Halfway
by JustAnotherPseudonym
Summary: AU and OOC, A girl who can't die meets a girl who can't come back to life. Halfway living and halfway dead. In a life full of questions is it even worth finding answers or for that matter, love?, B/A eventually.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimers: I don't own these characters.**

**A/N: AU I don't think I can emphasize that enough. This is my first foray into this fandom, most of my knowledge comes from reading ff stories not the actual series. I just find the characters interesting and wanted to play around with them a bit. We'll see how it goes...**

I came from nothingness so why was I so fucking scared to go back into it. I had always been in the habit of tempting fate or maybe it was just in the habit of tempting me. Either way, looking down into the waters flowing below me, I know that fate and I have crossed paths once again. I was ready to take my chances and see what was so bad about entering back into the nothingness I had been born from.

I pushed my foot forward, letting my toes dangle on air and my heel stay firmly planted onto the dry earth. It was a metaphor for my life: halfway in and halfway out, half in control and halfway free falling.

I shift my weight so most of it is balanced on my dangling foot. One push forward and I'll be flying down, down, down onto the ground. One pull back and I'll be safe.

Halfway in and halfway out.

I spread my arms away from my body. If only the breeze could lift me up like a bird and I'd never have to worry about falling again. I could fly away from here. I could pretend to be someone else. Everything could be different if only I could fly away. But I can't fly. No one can fly.

This would be the moment anyone else takes in a deep breath to fill their brain with the oxygen it needs to accept the decision its going to make. I won't take the breath. No, Isabella Swan can't be like anyone else living or dead. Isabella Swan has to be unique whether I want to be or not.

The hell with it, I'll take a deep breath anyway. Maybe just once I'll try to fit in. I'm sure jumping off this cliff will make me unique enough.

My body pushes forward before my mind gives its consent and my lungs get their fill of useless air. This isn't an accidental fall. I'm not screaming on the way down. I keep my eyes open, wanting to see everything.

The water gets closer and closer. There's no stopping me now. It's a free fall and I'm no longer in control. My body does what it normally does when danger is close: it fights to survive.

It stretches out and turns my free fall into a controlled dive. My hands part the water and if I were an Olympic diver, I would have just won the Gold. I ease into the water and feel its current flowing against my body. It wants to carry me away, but my body won't let it.

I'm stronger than the current.

This time, I take a breath because once again my body has defeated me. Disgusted, I swim to shore and then pull myself back onto dry land. I look back up to the cliff I just jumped from and then back to the water I landed into.

The fall would have killed anyone else, and if they had been lucky enough to survive it then the water would have taken them under. Simply put, the person would be dead.

But not me, not Isabella Swan. I can't be like anyone else living or dead. I have to be unique whether I want to be or not. I came from nothingness and have no fucking idea how to go back to it.


	2. Gloomy Monday

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

**Gloomy Monday  
**

It's raining. No blue skies and no sunshine breaking through to create a silver lining. Gloomy Monday. It seems appropriate for my first day back to school. Charlie insisted on this stupid experiment at normalcy since he wants nothing more than for his little girl to be okay. He's really worried about me, but I guess he should be since my mother caught me trying to kill myself eight months ago.

She freaked out like I'd imagine any parent would. There was yelling and screaming and doctors and psychologists and anti-depressants and a move to Forks, Washington to live with dear old Dad. It's supposed to be my new start in life.

Desperate times called for desperate measures, especially since I kept on trying to tell everyone that I couldn't die. No matter how hard I tried or what I did, I couldn't hurt. I was speaking crazy talk so they locked me away and threw away the key until I started saying the things they wanted to hear.

It was a pretty ridiculous story, though, wasn't it? Who can't get hurt? Who wakes up one day after being a completely normal girl and suddenly turns into a freak?

I actually started to notice the changes when I was in the 6th grade. I guess it started around puberty, which makes it all that much more freakish. I noticed little things at first, like I'd accidentally fall or trip over something and it wouldn't hurt as much as it usually did. Didn't seem like that big of a thing at first. I just thought I was getting used to tripping over my own shadow.

My clumsiness never got better, but the pain eventually went away. Then, other things started happening that hadn't been explained to me in that stupid seminar the girls had to go through with the school nurse. It wasn't like the nurse's version of puberty at all, though all the stuff she talked about was happening, too.

Eventually, I just woke up and somehow knew that I was completely different than everyone else around me. My body felt...so fucking different. It's like my survival instinct got a high dose of caffeine and was going fucking crazy. I was more alert to every sound, every smell, every movement around me. I could actually feel the fucking thread count of my cheap sheets rubbing against my skin.

And I knew Darwin hadn't written about this kind of fucking evolution in his theory.

I don't know what I am, and no one else does either. No matter how loud I scream about it, no one wants to listen.

I just get shipped off to Forks, Washington where the sun doesn't even bother to visit. I tried jumping off a cliff hoping I could forgo trying to fit into this travesty of adolescence, but I'm not so lucky. So, high school it is.

I pull up to the building knowing it shouldn't completely scare me as much as it does. I've done this high school thing before. I'm practically a pro at it, and my high school in Phoenix was like ten times bigger than this one. I can do this.

I'm just like any other girl walking into this place. This whole thing is going to be easy. No problems. I'll get through my three year sentence and come out the other end happier than I was before. Who knows? Maybe I'll even get myself a bestie and we'll talk about boys and stuff.

Yeah, right.

I snort. I'm fucking hilarious. At least I haven't lost my sense of humor.

So far, so good. No one has tried stabbing me with a pencil or a plastic fork or anything so my little secret is still seating a party of one. I make it to lunch and end up sitting with some completely normal kids living their completely normal lives. They're being really nice to the new girl and I'm almost letting myself believe that I'll be able to survive through this whole social experiment my father wants me to go through.

It's been better than the crazy house I've come from. No one here knows I tried to off myself and no one knows I did my time in a white room full of white people and white jackets.

I've at least made it to lunchtime. That's half a day. That's halfway through and suddenly I'm becoming an optimist.

Angela, one of my new besties, is talking to me about something I haven't really bothered to pay attention to and suddenly I feel a chill running down my spine. I'm suddenly a pessimist again.

My body jumps into overdrive and my instinct starts taking over. My brain starts screaming out 'SURVIVE' and I'm turning in my chair looking around for the danger surrounding me.

My eyes land on a group of exotically attractive teenagers walking into the cafeteria.

"Those are the Cullens," Angela tells me obviously getting the clue that I wasn't at all paying attention to whatever it was she was talking about earlier. She tells me more about them, but my brain doesn't bother to listen. It knows all that it needs to know.

One of them turn to look over at me. Her eyes lock with mine and inappropriately my brain starts reciting song lyrics: 'Danger! Danger! High Voltage!'

I jump up from my seat, my chair scrapping heavily against the tiled floor. "Um..." I spare a quick glance back to the people sitting next to me. "I've got to go to the bathroom."

"I'll come with," Angela offers.

"No!" I yell a lot louder than was socially appropriate. I take another look around, more than aware that I now have the entire room's attention. "No," I say again much more softly. "I'm going to smoke. It's a habit I picked up in Phoenix hanging out with bad influences. I don't want to be a bad influence. You're good people." Okay, yeah I suck at lying and I'm now a freak. A freak who smokes.

Doesn't matter now. My brain is still screaming at me to run away. I turn and make my way towards the exit, but my eyes are pulled back to the Cullen girl. She's looking at me with her weird as shit golden-ish eyes. I look to the other Cullens and notice that they are all staring at me with the same weird as shit eyes.

I think I might even hear one of them...growling. One of the girl Culllens, blond hair, puts a restraining arm on one of the smaller boy Cullens. My fight or flight instinct keeps me running. Whatever it is they are, my body knows it can't fight them. I force my eyes away from the group just soon enough to realize I'm about to plow right into the edges of a door.

Freaktacular. My body tells me to run but can't even run away properly. My head hits the open door and the door loses. It flings shut and whoever was behind it lets out a surprised yelp.

"I'm sorry," I can't help but apologize. It seems like a stupid thing to do in this sort of situation, but my mom did teach me manners. She just didn't teach me how to cope with being indestructible.

I keep running, not strong enough to fight my instinct. I make my way out of the school and straight into the rain. I stand outside letting the water wash away the fear that suddenly overtook me. I close my eyes and take several deep breaths. The adrenaline starts to ease away, and I'm starting to believe that I can maybe, possibly walk back into the school with some sort of control over my stupid little whacked out survival instinct.

If the Cullens had been in school all day, just like I had been, then I'd be fine as long as I didn't come close to any of them. Whatever, Them were.

"What are you?"

The fuck! I jump away from the school building. The adrenaline starting to overrun me again, but this time I don't feel the urge to run. I can feel that there is only one of them and for some reason my stupid body thinks it's okay to turn around and fight.

I've always been the type to ask questions first, but with my world completely doing an one-eighty the old me and the new me haven't quite managed to meet yet. My right hand balls into a fist and instinct drives it towards the voice bothering to confront me.

My eyes rip open when my fist makes contact with what feels like a granite wall. I see the girl Cullen flying through the air and look down at my fist. What the fuck?

I'm too busy looking down at my fist to see the Cullen girl racing back at me. Our bodies collide together and we're both flying through the air into the nearby woods. I feel my body crashing into a few trees until it comes to a so not smooth landing.

It takes me a moment to orient myself, and when I do I realize the Cullen girl is on top of me growling. Her eyes are black and she's headed straight for my throat. I put my arms up, just barely able to hold her back.

This is so not a good thing and my body knows it. I'm not strong enough to win this.

"Stop!" I shout. My brain just now cluing into the fact that talking does have its advantages. "Please, stop." My manners really do have fucked up timing.

She continues to push against my hold. I can feel her breath against my neck. I could be seconds away from death...except I can't die. My body is fighting so hard to live, but I can't die. At least, I haven't been able to die yet.

But I don't really want to be eaten either.

"Okay, look I know we may have not met under the best of circumstances," I've never been good at extemporaneous speaking. I've never even been good at prepared speaking. "I'm really not trying to hurt you and I think it'd be great if you stopped trying to eat me."

She didn't respond. She hardly even moved, but I could feel just a bit of her body relax so I kept talking. "My name is Isabella Swan. I go by Bella, because who goes by their full name, right? I mean even Michaels go by Mike. Jennifers go by Jen or Jenny. You know, Jenny from the block."

I'm a complete idiot, but at least she looks more confused now and less deadly.

And suddenly, as if she were never trying to see the inside parts of my body, she pulls away. "What are you?"

She's at least ten feet away from me now, and my instinct is still telling me to talk even though now that she's off of me I personally feel it would be in my best interest to run.

"What are you?" I ask back.

She leans closer in and looks like she's sniffing the air. "You smell human."

Really? I just bathed this morning. "I do not. You smell." Right, I should start an argument with the girl who was just trying to eat me. Yeah, that seems smart. I'm so fucking stupid.

"No," she shakes her head. "You smell like a human." Is she laughing at me?

"Yeah well," I sniff the air like she had been. "You smell like..." Wait, what does she smell like? It's different, foreign to my instincts. "Dangerous?" Is that the right word? She feels like a threat, but she doesn't smell exactly like what a threat should smell like.

"I am dangerous," she tells me, but she's smiling.

This whole thing doesn't make any sense. I should be running far far away from here. Perhaps I could start up a new life in Australia. "You're not human."

She tilts her head. Her eyes examining me. "Neither are you, at least not completely."

"Well I guess that makes us even." I finally bother to stand up and start brushing the debris off of my clothes.

She takes a step closer to me. "I'm Alice Cullen."

"Really?" I can't help but ask.

"Really."

"Okay." Alice just doesn't seem like the proper name of something that just tried to eat me.

"So, where are you from?" She takes another step closer to me and I think we're both feeling a little awkward. I guess neither of us know the proper social rules dictating what two people should do after they fight and one tries to eat the other.

Man, my life is so freaking weird.

"Arizona."

She nods. "Welcome to Forks."

I take a quick glance around taking in the sight of all the fallen tree branches. We did that. "Thanks."

She nods once and then turns around. I can tell she's about to take off and for some reason I'm not sure this is exactly the right way to end our...interlude.

"Where are you going?"

"To hunt," she says and although I should probably be wishing she's not serious I know that this is something she needs to do. She's dangerous. Her whole family is.

"Be careful," I tell her.

She's surprised by my words but so am I. "I will."

I look away from her, wondering exactly what it is I should be doing now. I could try to go back to class, but my clothes are torn and I look like I just got in a fight with a...with a...girl, a very dangerous girl.

"I'll see you later," she smiles at me, "Jenny From The Block."

I knew I was going to regret saying that. I chuckle self-deprecatingly and our eyes meet one more time. She winks and then sort of disappears. I know I could chase after her if I wanted, maybe I'd even be able to catch up with her, but then what would I do? The silences would just be filled with more awkward.

Thunder rumbles from above me and my body just now realizes that it's still raining. Gloomy Monday.


	3. Second Verse Same as the First

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.**

**A/N: Normally, I don't write this fast, but this is flowing out of me today so I'll go with it. Thank you for all of your reviews.  
**

**Second Verse Same as the First  
**

So school was officially a bust. I went home to bask in the few hours of silence I'd have before Charlie got home. I know that the school would call him and tell him that I didn't finish classes and they'd tell him whatever other stories fit into normal little boxes. No one would notice the broken tree limbs outside of the school, because no one would want to. They'd blame it on the storm and would move on with their lives pointing all their little pointy fingers at me.

There was no reason to worry about any of that now. Right now, all I wanted to do was to take a long shower, because right now, ironically I did stink. I smelt like and looked like I had been playing around in the mud in the middle of a thunder storm.

I'm wracking up all sorts of normal points these days.

I make it to the bathroom and then turn on the shower. I strip off my clothes, letting them fall down to the floor. I don't feel like cleaning up any messes right now. I'll just take care of everything before my father comes home to yell at me.

I step under the hot spray of water, and immediately begin to feel better. The adrenaline that had been keeping me going is starting to completely fade away and I can feel...soreness. It's an aching in my muscles and it feels absolutely wonderful. I haven't felt anything like it in such a long time and I'm stupidly happy about feeling the bits of pain now.

I've fallen from cliffs and buildings, have cut into my arms with razor blades and knifes and haven't ever been able to feel a thing. I've pushed so hard to feel just a bit of this and there was never anything. It was emptiness and reminders of how much I wasn't a human being anymore.

One roll in the mud with Alice Cullen and my arms are sore from restraining her. My back hurts from crashing into the trees and falling down to the ground. I feel wonderful. And scared.

Alice Cullen made me feel pain. She's not human, but she at least said that I was, sort of.

I should thank my brain for ruining a perfectly good shower. Sometimes, I just wish it would shut up and leave me in peace.

I reach down and turn off the stream of water. I've managed to wash the mud out of my hair and off my body. There's no point in relaxing anymore. It's just like me to go from stupidly happily to stupidly depressed in zero point one seconds. No matter how much I wanted the pain to be a good thing, it just wasn't. It's not a good thing that something like Alice has the potential to hurt me.

It was time for me to say hello to fate once again. There's not pushing it away. I moved miles and miles away from Arizona and even here it chases me down. Lucky me.

I step out of the shower and grab a towel to cover my body, but before I wrap it around me I use it to clean the mirror off. I look at my reflection trying to see the changes that must still be happening inside of me. My face looks the same. Same hair, same eyes, same...smile.

I sigh heavily and wrap the towel around me. There's no point in trying to find something I can't see. I look like the same Bella everyone else knows. I just know that I'm not the same Bella everyone else sees.

I walk into my room and directly to my closet. Blindly, I pull out clothes and start putting my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else. When I start pulling my shirt on, my instinct starts going into overdrive again and my arms get tangled in the cotton. By the time I have my head fitting through one of the sleeves, I can clearly smell Dangerous Girl standing near me.

"You put your shirt on wrong," she needlessly informs me.

"Thanks," I force my head out of the shirt's sleeve and rotate it so that it's fitting me properly. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugs. "I don't really know. I guess I wanted to make sure that you were alright?"

"I'm sore." Stupid. I don't think I should be talking about my weaknesses to my enemy. If she is my enemy. Is she? What was she doing here?

"Oh," her eyes track down to the floor. "Sorry about that. I sort of lost control."

"I did hit you first." I don't know why I did, but I did. "How do you know where I live?"

"I followed you." Her eyes lift back up to meet mine. "Your scent."

That wasn't at all freaky. Not. At. All.

"I bathed, I should smell better now." This whole conversation doesn't make sense.

"You never smelled bad."

She looks embarrassed but her cheeks don't change color. She looks really pale. But then again, she's not human. She's like some sort of superhuman.

"This is weird," I finally admit aloud. "So freaking weird."

"So I take it this isn't a normal day for you?"

I look at her knowing that she can't be serious. "Is it normal for you?"

She gets a pensive look on her face, like she doesn't know how to answer. "I'm not sure yet."

I can't help but chuckle. "If this is your normal, then I so don't want your life. I keep myself entertained trying to figure out my own freak show."

She gives me that odd look she gave me right after she jumped off of me earlier. She doesn't know what I am, and I know she wants to ask again, but I think we've both moved past that conversation. I'm sort of human and she's not human at all. I don't want to know anymore than that.

"I'm a vampire," she just blurts out like she's telling me she forgot her lunch money at home.

Apparently, she and I aren't so much on the same page. "Vampire?" Vampire. That makes perfect sense in Bella Swan's Land of the Whacked Out Shit.

She nods and looks at me expectantly like now that she's showed me hers it's time for me to show her mine.

To tell or not to tell? That is the question. In a world where vampires exist then why can't I?

"I'm...different." So I can think in Shakespearean just can't talk in it. Neat.

"I know that," Alice deadpans. My oh so eloquent explanation must have not been enough explanation.

I'm even starting to think in stupid.

"Okay, to tell you the truth I don't know what I am." I found the nearest level surface and dropped onto it. Unfortunately it was the floor. For something so supernatural I lack the mystique and grace stereotyping my kind. Maybe I'm defunct in someway. Maybe that was how Alice was able to make me feel pain.

Alice kept looking at me, although I swear she smiled just a bit when my ass hit the floor. My explanation still wasn't enough. She sure was a bossy little thing.

"Since the Spark Notes version of the story isn't working for you," I glare at her, "the long version goes something like: I don't know what I am."

Her eyes widen. "You're serious?"

"You're smarter than the average vampire, aren't you?" Sarcasm was my defense mechanism. It's the only thing my stupid little survival instinct thing hasn't completely taken over.

"Were you born this way?" I guess my power of sarcasm had no effect on her.

"I don't know," the sarcasm had fallen from my voice just like my ass had fallen to the floor. "I always kind of felt a little different, but I just figured I was different in the same way everyone else felt different. Then one day, I start noticing these changes and I'm," I sigh and shrug my shoulders. "I'm indestructo girl and having physical fights with vampires, because they do exist."

Alice closes the distance between us and takes a seat in front of me. She didn't fall down like me, she glided. She's the kind of supernatural that fits the stereotype. "My dad might be able to help you."

"Your dad?" I'm confused. "Is he a vampire, too?"

She nods. "He's more like my adopted father, and he's a doctor."

"Is he like your siblings?" I ask.

She looks confused. "What do you mean?"

"A ll with the Grr Argh?" I further explain.

She softly laughs. "What?"

"I don't know if you noticed or not, but when I was around your siblings I did a quick hundred meter dash into an open door."

Her eyes filled with understanding. "Oh."

Yeah, 'oh'. I don't think I could take being around them all again without giving into the instinct to run. Especially that one boy who growled at me. Something about them just didn't feel right, and while I could sort of ignore the feeling with Alice, I know I couldn't do it with them all. At least not right now.

"Why did you do that?" She asks me, like she's trying to uncover the secrets to my soul.

"Instinct." It's the only reason that I have. "My fight or flight response is hyped up on the supernatural. It takes over when I'm in danger and..." I stop talking knowing that she already knows what I'm going to say.

"I'm dangerous." She finishes for me.

"Yeah," I nod and look down at the floor.

"Is that why you hit me first?"

"Yeah." I twist my fingers through the cuffs of my jeans. "I didn't want to, but I sort of lack the control right now."

Silence. Not completely awkward, but not at all comfortable silence. "So why did you try to eat me?" I'm only good with silence when I'm the only person in the room.

She looks away from me like she's ashamed. "I wasn't trying to eat you."

"Were you trying to kill me?" I did hit her first, hit her so hard she went soaring through the air. I didn't even know I could do that.

"I'm not sure." And she really looked like she didn't know. She didn't understand what had happened anymore than I did. That was somewhat comforting, but disconcerting at the same time. I kind of hoped I had finally met someone who knew more than me about these types of weird ass things.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to focus on my instincts. I've tried doing this before, but not with someone so close to me that makes me want to fight, flight, tend, or befriend.

She still smells dangerous, but there's something more to it. She's dangerous but not dangerous to me. Maybe that's why I'm still sitting in this room with her and we aren't crashing into some more trees. I can even sort of sense something erratic within her. Like it's her personality to flutter around from one thing to another. Even now, I can tell that she wants to be moving around but she's calming herself.

There's still something underneath even that, though. Something darker that she can't always control. It's that thing that feels like my enemy, but I don't want to fight it.

"It doesn't make any sense," I say aloud and force my eyes open.

"What?" She asks softly.

"You," I answer honestly. "There's something inside of me..." I cut off my words. I can't explain it.

"Do you think you could be a werewolf?" She asks excitedly like she just solved the riddle laying between us.

"Huh?"

"It would make sense." She slaps my arm and on instinct I grab onto it like it hurt, though it didn't. So along blissful pain.

I slap her arm in return. "It doesn't make any sense at all." I say matching her tone.

She gives me a look. "Why did you do that?"

"You hit me first." I'm not too old to be immature. I can at least hold onto this one semblance of normalcy.

"I didn't hit, hit you."

"I didn't hit, hit you either." I begin to stand up and so does she. I know we should probably take a step away from each other, but my instinct is roaring at me again. Suddenly its confidence is back and it thinks I can win a fight with her.

Her eyes are starting to darken again and I can hear a soft growl being directed at me.

"I'm not a werewolf." I spit out at her, feeling insulted for absolutely no reason at all.

"How do I know that?" She hisses at me, and for some reason that's all it takes for my instinct to go freaking ballistic again. I leap at her and drag her out of the window. We fall down to the ground and are attacking each other.

She's strong and far, far better trained. Everything I do is on instinct, but it's sloppy and before I can even bother to yell out a truce she once again is hovering above me victorious.

I seriously suck.

"This doesn't make any fucking sense!" I yell.

She's still holding me down, but this time she's not trying to tear apart my jugular. "You're not a wolf," she tells me.

"I know!" I keep my voice loud since it's the only thing I can do. She has me pinned to the ground helpless.

Her eyes start changing again. "You're not a vampire either. Your blood smells good, fresh."

"Are you trying to eat me again?" I guess that would make things easier if she just drank my blood. No more questions.

"No," she pulls back and releases my arms but stays atop me. "I kind of want to, though."

I rub at my wrists. They're sore. I think this is supposed to be my silver lining. "Thanks, I think I'll take that as a compliment."

She tilts her head and grins down at me. "You should."

"So," I take a look around us trying to see what damage we might have caused in our quick temper tantrum. "What now?"

She looks around us as well, and then lifts up off of me. She offers her hand down to me and I see no reason why I shouldn't take it. As soon as my hand makes contact with hers once again my brain is screaming: Danger! Danger! High Voltage!

We both pull back. I rub my hand against my thigh and Alice squeezes her hand once then twice probably trying to push out the feeling.

"You need to figure out what you are," she tells me. "Any other vampire might just kill you."

"I can't die." I petulantly remind her.

Before I know it her fist is smashing into my face and I'm flying in the air with no say in when or how I'll land.

"Ow." I say as I finally land onto a sharp tree branch. It pierces my side and I feel nothing but blinding pain. "Serious ow," I whisper as I lift myself up to look at the timber sticking through my flesh.

Alice is suddenly in front of me. Her eyes black and my brain tells me that blood and vampire seriously do not mesh. She lunges at me, but this time I'm too fast for her. I rip my side even more by tearing away from the branch, but my instinct is in full control, and this time it is telling me to run so I do.

I run as fast as I can for as long as I can. I run for so long that when I stop I don't even know where I am. I look around trying to sense whether Alice is following me or not. I open up every sense I've got, using what little skill I have in controlling my little bit of supernatural.

I don't sense anything. No Alice. No vampires. Nothing. I look down at my side, where I had just been punctured like a voodoo doll. All healed up. The only evidence I have that I was hurt is my ripped and bloody shirt.

There goes my little bit of mortality.

I take another look around. Just where the fuck am I?


	4. Coin Toss

Disclaimer: I don't own any Twilight characters.

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. I have read them all. Enjoy.

**Coin Toss  
**

I somehow make it out of the woods and use what senses I have to sense my way back to my father's house. As soon as I'm sure I'm heading in the right direction, I begin running again in hopes of getting inside of the house safe and sound before any other freaky shit can happen to me.

Thankfully, I get back home before Charlie. I have enough time to take another shower and throw my salvageable clothes into the washing machine before he walks into the house ready to approach me about my first day.

"Your counselor called me." I guess we're not going to start this conversation off with a simple, 'how are you doing', we're going straight into the, 'you've done something wrong and I know about it'. It's familiar territory for me.

"She did?" The least I can do is play along in this little charade of his. If I start telling stories about vampires and tree branches puncturing my abdomen then he might think I'm crazy...er. He might think I'm crazier.

"You missed your first appointment with her." He needlessly informs me. "You also missed some of your classes."

So what do you do when you're faced with someone who doesn't believe you, maybe just doesn't want to believe you? Lie. "It was my first day," I tell him. "It was a lot handle, okay?"

"Are you still taking your medication?" He asks, because it's all he knows about. It's all that he understands. I need to take the blue pill to make me feel better and the white one to calm me down.

I sigh. "You know I am."

"Okay." He nods his head, and looks just about as helpless as I felt when Alice was hovering above me, but I think I prefer Alice. There's not talking to Charlie, no chance in me fighting back. "How'd you like pizza for dinner?" He asks, turning our conversation to something safe.

We had pizza two nights ago. I should probably start cooking, but I've kind of forgotten about the whole eating thing since the whole not being able to die thing came about. I can't feel when I'm hungry...no pains.

"It sounds good, Charlie."

"The same as last time?" He asks, forcing out a bit of a smile that doesn't even bother to reach his eyes.

"Same as last time."

"Okay, Bella." He turns around and I would too if I thought this conversation was over. He stops himself from walking away, like he's suddenly remembering something. He turns back around to face me. "How did you first day go?" Ah. Now we can start with the 'how are yous'.

"I think I made a couple of new friends." I also discovered that vampires exist. "I got caught up in all my subjects at the..." institution for the crazies, "place so I'm not behind. I understood what the teachers were talking about." I discovered werewolves exist. "It went good, other then the having to leave early thing."

He smiles. This time I can't tell whether it's real or not. "I'm glad to hear that, Bella. Real glad."

I smile back. It isn't real. It's a lie just like everything else I had told him. "I've got homework so I'll be upstairs waiting on the food." I point towards the stairs then take off. It was hard hanging out with him for too long. I so desperately wanted to try and get him to understand what was going on with me, but just like everyone else he buried his head in the sand and thought it best to throw me away and lock away the key.

I go back into my bedroom and instantly fall onto my bed. I don't have any homework. I don't even have my backpack or any books. I left it all in the school after Alice and I 'met' each other. Years from now, I'm sure that'll be a funny story to tell. Though, I don't know who'd I get a chance to tell it to.

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. I'm beginning to feel restless and don't know why. My body had been completely exhausted when I finally made it home for a second time. I could have fallen over, but my superhuman self must have fixed that. I'm not tired at all now. I don't really sleep that much anyway. It seems like two hours of sleep is more than enough for my body to function in top condition.

I turn on my side to look out my window. Amazingly, Alice and I hadn't done any damage to it when we tore through it out into the open space below. My mind went back to our second fight and at how easily she had bested me. She could hurt me. Hell, maybe she could even kill me. She made me mortal again, and if she did then that meant that other vampires could, too.

Alice had said as much before she had tried to kill me, again. She and I were really forming an odd...series of interactions. I don't think she was supposed to be my friend, but she is the only being in the world right now that knows what I could do. That is, she is the only being as long as she hasn't blabbed to any of her vampire family. I kind of hoped that she keeps silent since I didn't want them trying to kill me, but then again I kind of hoped that she doesn't keep silent, too.

I'm not completely against dying.

Maybe I did belong in that crazy house after all.

"Bella, food's here!"

Then again, maybe it isn't time for me to die yet. I roll off of my bed and then quickly make my way downstairs. If I lingered too long then Charlie would come frantically searching for me in hopes that I wasn't trying to kill myself again. He still doesn't trust me with razors. He doesn't even let me cut my own food.

It seems like one big overreaction, but then again, everyone does sort of believe I tried to kill myself. They don't trust me to not do it again. They're afraid I'll succeed next time. They just didn't know that I had already tried and failed over and over again.

"It smells good."

"I already cut you off a slice." Charlie tells me as he hands over my piece.

"Thanks," I mumble biting my tongue. I want to tell him that I'm not a child, but as he already told me: I am his child. I may not be an infant anymore, but I was still his little girl and apparently that meant he could always treat me like I was five.

I went along with it because I had to. I live in a world where vampires and werewolves and things like me exist, it's fucked up but it's still better than being locked away in a room where people keep telling me that I'm getting better only when I lie to them about the world I've been living in.

Charlie and I eat our pizza in front of the television. He turns on a baseball game and I force myself to sit and watch it alongside him. We don't say much. He asks about the friends I met at school and I tell him what details I can remember about Angela and her group.

He asks me about my teachers and I tell him what little I remember about their lectures. I ask him about work and he tells me hardly anything at all. He's a sheriff or whatever but in Forks that isn't as exciting of a job as it might have been anywhere else.

I sit and talk with him for as long as I can stand it. The game ends and it's time for us to go to bed. He's just now beginning to let me sleep with my door closed. I never quite understand how my open door offered him any extra comfort, but I had to try and make things better so I kept my door open until he gave me the luxury of privacy.

When I make it to my room and finally close my bedroom door, I release a heavy sigh. Spending time with Charlie always sort of makes me feel powerless even though I know that I'm not. I'm stronger than him. Bullets won't hurt me. I'm not at all natural, but there's pain in his eyes every time he looks at me. I'm never quite sure if he's blaming himself for what I've become or if he's blaming me. Maybe he's doing a little bit of both.

I go back and lay down on my bed. I extend my senses feeling the night overcome the house. Charlie's breaths grow deeper and he falls into deep sleep, but the night is awake and yelling at me. I feel like I should be outside doing something. Maybe even...what was it Alice said she was going to do? Hunt? Maybe I needed to hunt, too.

I jump off of my bed and approach my bedroom window. I look out of it, once again using my instinct to drive my senses in the right direction. As silently as I could, I open my window and then jump out of it. I let my instinct drive me. I let it push me forward towards whatever my destination was supposed to be.

It feels so natural to be roaming out at night. It feels natural like it had felt natural to fight Alice, even though I couldn't win. My body comes to an abrupt stop, my reason for once leading my instinct. There are more than one vampire in this town and who knows what else. I'm not strong enough to fight them. I can just maybe get in one good hit before I have to tuck tail and run.

"What are you doing here?"

Shit! I jump away from the voice, knowing it would be best to not strike out this time. I guess my instincts could learn lessons. I turn to face the voice that is making my heart hammer against my chest and my adrenaline spiral out of control.

"What are you doing here?" The voice asks again, angrier this time.

It's the blond Cullen. My instinct is telling me that it's possible she isn't as strong as Alice, but I'm not willing to test that theory. Plus, if Alice hasn't told any of the others what I can do then I don't want to give it away by giving a demonstration.

"I'm taking a walk," I stutter.

"A walk?" She asks clearly not at all believing my lie, and why would she? It's a stupid lie. A three year old could have come up with a better one.

"Okay, fine." I hold my hands up in surrender. "I came to talk to Alice."

She perks up at that. "Alice?"

"Yeah." It was at least a better lie. I so didn't want to see Alice right now. She had just tried to kill me and I wasn't so much over that yet. "But if she isn't home or whatever then that's fine. I can just go on home and go to bed to sleep because it's a school day tomorrow and teenagers need the most sleep, I think, and you should probably be sleeping, too. We should all be sleeping..."

"I'll get her," she interrupts me before I can continue vomiting out words.

"Cool." I reach out my hand. "I'm Bella by the way."

She looks down at my it, but makes no move to shake it. "Rosalie," she says after a drawn out breath. "I'll get Alice."

"Okay then. I'll wait here." I smile just so that she thinks I'm completely reliable, like I don't have plans to run the minute she's far enough away not to see me shooting dust into the wind like I'm some sort of cartoon character.

She gives me an odd look, the sort of look that lets me know she doesn't trust me and that she thinks I'm pathetic. It's a two for one, but she does eventually turn to leave. For a moment there I thought she might invite me inside the home I am just now noticing I was standing outside of. Stupid fucked up broken instinct brought me to den of vampires.

I take a few steps away from the house realizing that if I could feel all of the vampires in there then they can probably sense lil' ole me outside.

"When Rosalie told me you were here, I thought she was joking." Ah. Alice. Perfect. I should have run away.

"It was an accident," I tell her.

"What was?" She asks, with a slight twinkle of mischief in her eyes. There's something she's not telling me. There's probably a lot she's not telling me.

"Well okay then." I slap my hands together. "I guess it's time that I go." I turn to run away but feel a cold hand take a hold of my shoulder.

"Wait," Alice softly whispers, "let me apologize first."

I turn around, sort of surprised to realize that she's standing so close to me. I jump away and trip over my own feet. The hard ground greets me as well as soft laughter coming from the girl standing above me. I glare up at her and think that she could at least offer me a hand, but then remember what happened the last time we did that so I get up on my own.

"You're something else Isabella Swan," she says.

"Yeah," I agree as I wipe the dirt off of my butt, "I thought you already knew that."

The mischief is still in her eyes and for some reason I'm drawn into it. "What?" I ask.

"I knew you were coming," she admits. "I can sort of see the future."

Awesome. That just makes me feel...I don't know what to feel anymore. This day seriously needs to end. "Well," I look down at the ground, "I can sort of fall on my ass, a lot. I'm starting to think of it as a special skill."

We both laugh at that. I think I just accomplished successfully breaking the ice for the first time in my life. I made things easier instead of more awkward. I should retreat while I'm ahead. "I should really go." I point to her house. "I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed."

She nods her understanding. "I do still want to apologize. I didn't mean for you to get impaled."

"I know." And I do know. She was trying to teach me a lesson, and I have a feeling most of my lessons are going to be hard to learn. "How are you doing with the," I waved my hand over my face trying to somehow indicate how her inner vampire had gone into overdrive around me, "stuff."

"I had to hunt again," she admits sounding almost ashamed.

I smile knowing that I ended up at her home because I was trying to do that very same thing. I was hunting, and wasn't even sure what it was I was supposed to hunt. I just ended up here. Fate, it seems, just gave me another kick in the ass. "You're going to have to tell me about that one day."

She seems sort of bewildered by my response and quite honestly so was I. This wasn't so much of the normal. We tried to seriously injure each other twice already and here I am talking about us having future conversations. There is something seriously wrong with my head.

"Okay," she eventually replies. "Whenever you want to."

"Yeah," I rub at my abdomen, my body unconsciously reminding me of the pain she'd already caused me, "I guess this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Her eyes widen in surprise. "You've seen that movie?"

I smile. "Is that where that saying comes from?"

She softly laughs. "I guess that answers my question."

"Did I just lose some cool points?"

"You might have," she holds her smile and I feel like smiling back. It isn't like the tense smile I shared with my father. This is real.

"But I'm indestructo girl," I say. "That gives me major cool points."

"Okay," she nods, "Whatever you say Jenny From The Block."

This is so completely ridiculous. Stupidly ridiculous. "One day you're going to forget I ever said that."

"Goodbye, Bella." She tells me as looks back at her house. We're running out of time and we both know it. A member of her family is going to walk out of the house and then this pleasant bout of control we've both managed to hold onto will break.

"Goodbye, Alice." I give a short wave and then run back to where I had come from. I focus on Charlie's house and let my senses guide me there. I even manage to jump onto the roof and get into my room without making too much noise. Charlie is still asleep and he would never know about my little trip to the Cullen's home. He wouldn't get the chance tell me how stupid I was being or how much danger I had put myself in.

Even though, maybe those are two things that I desperately needed to hear right now. My instinct is obviously broken. Maybe Alice had somehow managed to break it when she split my side open, or maybe she broke it when she apologized. I guess the how of it really didn't matter. She made me vulnerable, she made me breakable and no matter how that coin was tossed my instinct knew this wasn't going to end well.


	5. Indestructo Girl

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I will take credit for the words, though.

A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews. I promise that I am reading them and am paying attention. Thank you reading. Enjoy.

**Indestructo Girl - 4  
**

"What happened to you yesterday?"

I guess the question is inevitable since I did make my big drama queen exit the other day. People would wonder why I was such a freak. They'd start talking and the talking would turn into rumors and then all the sudden I'd be the crazy chain-smoking girl who lives in a shoe with only her cats to keep her company.

"I was having female issues," I embarrassingly reply.

"Oh," Comprehension floods over Angela's features. "That happens to me, too."

I nod and smile happy that I finally told a believable lie. Even if it is completely ridiculous to think that Angela could at all understand what I had gone through just one little day ago. I bet she still believes that vampires aren't real, and I bet she hasn't been stabbed clear through with a tree branch and survived.

Yeah, I'm thinking Angela didn't so much understand at all. But it's lunchtime again, so I have to play normal and try to sit through the second half of my day without drawing attention to myself. I had already managed to survive sitting through my school counselor telling me how much she understood, there's no reason why I couldn't sit through another hour of sadly misinformed understanding.

I could totally relate to my peers.

I shift my attention back to Angela, trying to involve the active part of my brain into caring about what it is Angela is saying. I don't think it counts as paying attention if I'm just watching her mouth move. My brain is just about ready to participate when that stupid ass instinctual feeling starts coming over me again. I tighten my grip on my fork and force my body to stay still. I absolutely refuse to run out of here like the freak of the year for the second day in a row.

Why couldn't Alice just tell her family to eat somewhere else? I'm pretty sure they didn't need to eat food anyway. Vampires do that whole, 'I'm going to suck your blood' thing, and last I checked the cafeteria was fresh out of that particular kind of sustenance.

"Is something wrong?" Angela asks me, leaning in closer so that no one else at the table can hear her. "You look constipated."

Great. Good. I look constipated. That's how I look when I'm trying to not run away from vampires who are too powerful for me to fight. If I had one ounce of pride I'm sure Angela's comment would have just kicked it on the shins.

"Cramp," I try to explain while simultaneously trying to take in deep breaths. I need to slow down my heart and try to gain some sort of control. I can do this. I can. I know that I have some kind of internal fortitude since I'm indestructible. I just need to concentrate a little bit harder. I can make this just a little bit better and I can sit for the next...I find a clock on the wall and count down the minutes.

Thirty minutes! Thirty fucking minutes! I can't do this for thirty minutes. I think it would be a miracle if I could do it for five. Fuck. Ass.

"I'll be back." I jump out of my seat and hurry away from the table. I don't look over at the Cullens and force myself to keep my speed at a hurried walk instead of a frantic run. Again, I don't stop until I'm standing outside of the school. At least today it isn't raining.

I focus on my breathing again and this time actually feel like it's working. I can calm myself and finish school. Practice will make perfect and eventually I'll be able to share space with vampires.

"Are you okay?"

Damn it all to hell. "Why do you people always insist on sneaking up on me!" I turn and yell at Alice. "You can't make any noise!"

"I'm sorry?" She says uncertainly.

"You should be sorry!" I continue to yell. "You just walk into rooms and all of you are all grr argh and nobody in there knows it. They are all lamb to your slaughter."

"We don't feed off of humans." She tells me, somehow managing to stay calm when I feel like the whole world should feel as amped up as I am.

"Well, okay then." I'm still angry but force myself not to yell this time.

"Are you okay?" She asks me again, clearly concerned, but I don't feel like I need her concern right now. I need to hit her again. My instinct tells me that hitting her will make me feel better. Of course, I'll lose the fight but at least I would have had some form of release for this pent up...whatever that is flowing through my veins.

We stare at each other for a moment. She lowers her gaze first and perhaps I should consider that a victory. "Maybe I should just go back inside."

"Maybe you should."

She lifts her eyes again and I see that they are darkening. Whatever it is I'm feeling it's somehow affecting her. Maybe I should have paid more attention in biology when I took it last year. Though, something tells me the course didn't cover vampires and...whatever it is I am.

"Back off," she orders and although my brain doesn't understand her words my body understands her meaning.

I lower my gaze away from hers and then take a step away. She's stronger than me. I won't win this fight, not now and not yet.

"What am I?" I whisper as I turn away from her.

"I don't know." I didn't really expect her to answer. I had sort of hoped she would have gone back inside now that we've both somewhat eased the bits of crazy that come out when we're around each other.

"It's scary, you know?" I say still not turning around to look at her. It's not okay to look at her yet. "I can feel all of this power inside of me, I can feel it inside of you, too and I don't have any idea what to do with any of it."

This time I can hear her when she moves. My body is listening for it, anticipating it. Maybe it's just looking for the opportunity to strike or maybe it's just making sure it survives. "You're Indestruco Girl," she whispers and is so close I can feel her breath brushing against my neck.

"You think I'm a superhero?" I turn my head slightly, just so that I can catch a glimpse of her at the edges of my vision.

"If I'm the monster then you have to be the hero." Her answer sort of makes sense, but then again it doesn't make any sense at all. It seems like only half of the answer to some really big cosmic question.

"How come you get to be the monster?" I ask truly curious.

"Vampire." Well, there is that.

"This doesn't make any sense at all." I finally turn around somehow knowing that it's safe now.

"It doesn't," Alice agrees as she takes a step away from me.

"You can go ahead back inside." I nod towards the closed doors. "I'll be right behind you."

"Are you okay?" She's just not going to let that go is she?

"I'm fine." I try to smile but fail miserably.

"You're a liar."

"We're all liars." I reply. Hitting her with a good dose of truth.

She nods. "Are you going back home?"

I want to. I want to continue running away, but I can't. I have to control whatever thing is inside of me. I have to learn to control myself, because if I don't I might end up becoming the monster. "I'll be right behind you."

She nods and then turns to leave. She goes back into the school and I can feel her fading away from me. I can feel them all, it's like a soft buzzing in the back of mind that can't be shut off, but it can be controlled.

I take a deep breath and then turn back to the school. I keep my chin up high as I pull open the door and go back into my personal little hell. I gather my things from the cafeteria and hurry off to my next class feeling a little better than I did just a few minutes before. I might even be close to smiling, but I enter the classroom and my instinct has me tripping over my own feet so that I can run away.

There's a vampire in my next class and it's not Alice. It's that boy who growled at me the other day. He's dangerous. He doesn't have the control that I sense coming from Alice.

"Are you going to join us today Ms. Swan?" the teacher asks me and I know there's no backing away right now. I've been noticed and I can't miss another class. Charlie would send me back to the whack shop for sure.

So I clear my throat and do my best to clear my head. I imagine it's Alice sitting in here instead of growl boy. It doesn't work. He feels too different. But I can't run. "Yes," I answer the teacher completely defeated and then take the nearest open seat.

I hunker down into the chair, grabbing onto its edges so that I don't get up and try to kill one of my classmates. I force myself to sit through the entire hour. The buzzing in my head turning into a loud drumline that is using my skull as the drum set.

When the bell rings, I'm not sure whether it's growl boy or me that makes it to the door first. We both desperately want to exit and trip over each other trying to.

"Sorry," he mumbles.

"Yeah me, too," I mumble back.

We don't look at each other, we just get through the doorway and go in completely opposite directions. I don't think I can go through that again. I need to get my schedule changed or something. My head is hurting so badly. I don't think I've ever had a headache this intense before.

Bad, bad vampires.

I stumble down the hallway, trying to orient myself. I'm seeing flashes of white behind my eyes. This isn't normal, even for me this isn't normal.

Somehow I manage to make it to my locker, but don't quite manage to open it. I just rest against it, needing something else besides my own legs to hold me up. I don't even bother to take a few healthy deep breaths this time around. They won't help.

I stumble away from my locker and then down the hall towards the bathroom. I think I heard the tardy bell ringing faintly in the back of my mind, but my thoughts are reeling and everything around me seems fuzzy and too far away.

I manage to get to the bathroom and reach a stall before I release the contents of my stomach. When I look down into the toilet bowl I see that I'm vomiting up blood.

That is so not okay.

I reach up and flush away the contents before anyone can come in here and ask me if I need help and then get the idea to send me off to the hospital. Vomiting up blood doesn't earn anyone a gold star. It's not the type of thing people take lightly. It's the type of thing they panic about and call emergency medical personnel for.

Yeah, this is so not okay. This time I bother to take a deep breath wanting nothing more than to leave this place and never ever, ever come back.

"Come on Indestruco Girl pull yourself together." As far as pep talks go, I think it's the best I'm going to manage right now. I pull myself up off of the floor and do my best to straighten myself out. I need to be presentable if I'm going to make it to my next class.

I go to the sink and then wash myself off, hoping to wipe away all the major droplets of blood. I then put a smile on my face and promise that I'm going to do better this time. I'm going to control myself and not vomit up blood. I march out of the bathroom and straight to my next class.

Again, I'm stopped at the doorway. My instinct rising but not as violently as it did before.

"You're late," my new teacher instantly informs me.

"I got lost," I reply knowing that it's a better excuse than telling him I had the most unfortunate encounter with a vampire.

"Well take a seat." He motions towards the only free seat available right next to Alice Cullen.

My life so fucking sucks.

I trudge over to the chair and ready myself for another hour of hell while the teacher obliviously begins his stupid little lecture.

"I smell blood," Alice says and I look around to see if anyone else heard her. I guess no one else cares about blood or maybe my freak self has the only ears that realize she even spoke at all. I'm going to bet on the latter.

"Vomit," I say as lowly as I can. "Blood vomit," I add on just in case my earlier explanation wasn't good enough.

"Can you wipe it off?" She asks and I can tell she's forcing back a growl.

"No," I snap back loud enough for the guy sitting in front of me to hear. He turns to look at me and I smile at him trying to be friendly. He gives me a confused look but turns back around to face the teacher. I think I hear him mutter 'freak' under his breath. Dumbass.

"What do you mean no?" Alice's voice invades my ears again. "Wipe it away or something."

"Go yell at your brother, not me." I keep my voice as low as hers this time around. "He's the one that made my head feel like a little man was mining for gold inside of it."

"What did Edward do?" She leans in closer to me, but just as quickly moves back.

So growl boy does have a name, Edward. It seemed so formal. I think I like growl boy better. "He made my head hurt. Like really fucking hurt. Hence, blood vomit."

"I don't think he meant to do that," she tells me not sounding so sure of her words.

"Yeah well," I cross my arms in front of me. "Deal with the blood vomit."

She growls at me and then leans as far away from me as possible. I almost feel like this is a bit of a victory until I realize I am sitting next to a vampire in a room full of her appetizers. Tempting fate was becoming a new specialty of mine.

If she hurt anyone in this room it could sort of, kinda, might be, halfway my fault. I sigh as I raise my hand and wait patiently for the teacher to call on me. "I need to see the nurse," I tell him.

"Why?" he asks me like he doesn't believe I need to leave at this very moment. I did just get here.

"I just need to." I meet his gaze forcing him to listen to me. All my teachers know my tragic story. He should know to let me go when I ask to.

"Fine," he eventually nods his consent. "The pass is on the table."

I gather up my things and then head towards the door not bothering to pick up the pass on my way out. So much for life's small victories. I'm on a serious losing streak. Damn vampires. Damn Forks. Damn school. Damn Alice Cullen. Damn Indestruco Girl.


	6. Playtime

Disclaimer: I still do not own these characters.

A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews. I'm glad that this is at least getting read. So, on with the show. And still, no closer to figuring Bella out. I would love to hear your ideas, though (of course I do know what she is, just like to hear what you think.) Enjoy.

**Playtime**

Okay so meeting the vampire brood? So far not a very pleasant experience for me. So in an effort to not go completely insane, I'm finally going with Charlie out to La Push. It'll get me away from the vampires and I think this is the sort of break I need. At least, I think that until we pull up to La Push and my little instinct starts going haywire again.

I'm getting that same urge to run, somehow knowing that I'll be terribly outnumbered and unable to protect myself or, sadly destroy whatever it is that has my inner radar binging.

"I think you're really going to like everyone here, Bella." Charlie tells me as he pulls to a stop and then puts the car into park. "There's this one boy I'd like you to meet, his name is Jacob."

Oh, dad is setting me up with a boy. I must be living out every girl's dream...or nightmare. Just, whichever.

"I really don't think I'm ready for that, Charlie." I can't even imagine dating right now. How weird would that be? With my luck I'd end up tearing my date's head off or running away the minute they try to lean in for a kiss.

"Bella," he sighs, "just give this a try, for me?"

My gut is still telling me the best answer is 'no', but it's not the best answer for my dad. He needs me to be more normal. More mundane. More like him. "I'll try."

He gives me an encouraging smile and then turns and gets out of the car, I wait a moment before I follow him. My instinct is still telling me to be careful. There's danger all around me and I know that I should run, but Charlie is here. I can't act abnormal around him. I have to be perfect, always perfect.

We keeping getting closer and closer to the danger until we're standing among people and my senses are overloading my brain. Charlie introduces me to everyone, but I can't focus on anything other than the buzzing going through my body. I make polite and answer what questions I can hoping that this visit will just end, but it's not going to.

It's going to go on forever and forever until my head explodes and I'm left in a billion bits of buzzing little pieces.

"Do you want to take a walk?"

The voice next to me surprises me since I was so hoping no one would bother to talk to me directly. I look over at the boy and try to remember his name. I can't, but getting out of here sounds good. "Yeah."

He nods and then leads me out of this place. I know I'm walking kind of fast, but it doesn't seem like he has any problems keeping up. I take in a deep breath of fresh air hoping that the smell that has been overwhelming my senses would be pushed out.

"Are you okay?" NoName boy asks. "You look kind of pale."

"I think I ate a bad piece of cheese earlier." I should really work on my lying, so that I can come up with things that aren't completely embarrassing.

He nods, obviously not sure what to say after I reveal my intolerance to food. For once, I don't mind the silence. It's the only thing calming me.

"You dad has told me a lot about you." And there goes the silence taking my little island of calm with it.

"Oh yeah," I grunt. "What has he told you?"

NoName shrugs. "Not all that much."

That doesn't make sense. "I thought you said he told you a lot about me?"

He nods. "He has." His eyes widen and he looks like he really didn't mean to say what he just did. Besides his inability to get his story straight, there's something odd about him.

I try focusing my senses again, and reach out to him looking for the thing that makes him different. I can't get a clear sense of it. It's like he's new, but not in the same way I feel some of the vampires are new. NoName kind of feels like a vampire, but feels nothing like a vampire at the same time.

Vampires are only halfway living. He is full of life. The palms of his hands are sweaty. His heart is beating fast and is eyes are dilated. He is overrun with life and energy. Yet, it still feels like he only, like the vampires, are halfway. There is something inside of him he can't always control. Odd.

"So how is school going for you?" Seriously, why is that the universal question everyone asks me during awkward pauses?

"Can we just skip this part?" I ask, turning to face him. "Wouldn't it be easier to pretend like we're old friends who are seeing each other for the first time in a couple of years?"

He grins, his body relaxing. "And what would old friends say to each other?"

I think about it for a moment, then silently laugh. "How's school going for you?"

He laughs and I laugh with him. It's pleasant and relaxed. My instinct does see him as an immediate threat, but that urge to harm him is growing inside of me. I know that he is weaker, and I know I am...better somehow.

"Werewolf," I whisper under my breath, not at all sure why.

His eyes widen and he takes a step away from me. "W-what?"

"You're a puppy," again my instinct is driving my words.

He's sweating now in more places than the palms of his hands. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

I snap out of whatever trance my senses had be under, but there's no recovering from this conversational murder. "If we were old friends," I tell him turning away, "I would tell you to be careful. I'm dangerous."

"What are you?" His voice is still shaking and this thing inside of me is fucking happy about it.

"Dangerous." It's the only answer I really have. I still don't know what I am. I don't even know all what I can do.

"You feel like an Alpha." Well, at least he's not going to try and lie about what he is. "But I know you're not one of us." He laughs, but I think he's just laughing at himself. "I just sort of thought I wanted to run away from you because I think you're attractive."

"My dad would be happy to hear that," I easily admit. "He wants me to start dating."

"I think that's why he told me how pretty you are."

This must be Jacob. The one Charlie wanted to set me up with. I wonder if he knew he was trying to hook me up with a werewolf? I'm guessing not. "Yeah, so I guess it's obvious he doesn't know me at all."

"No," I can feel Jacob take a step closer to me, "I guess he doesn't, but he was right about something. You are pretty."

Am I? I wouldn't really know. Everything about me seems to have been swallowed by this thing inside of me. It's all I see and is all that I am, and it doesn't feel pretty at all.

"I think I'll just have to take your word for that." Even though I don't believe a word of it.

"You should," he encourages me.

I look over him, letting our eyes meet for maybe the first time. The haze I had been in earlier is faded and I can finally look at him without seeing only the wolf inside of him.

Why is it that all the people in Forks I seem to get along with are the ones I want to kill or that want to kill me?

"Thank you." It's all I can offer him right now. "So," I take a deep breath and then slowly release it, "tell me Old Friend of mine, how's life been treating you?"

He cocks his brow at me, but leans in and decides to go along with my crazy. "I can't complain. I just met a really interesting girl."

"Is that so?" I smirk. "Does she have a name?"

"I don't think I should tell you," he jokes. "You might try to steal her away for yourself."

"That depends," I shrug. "Is she interesting wonderful or interesting in a way that makes you feel like you should hide away your children?"

He smiles. "She's interesting, interesting."

"Oh," I feign understanding. "Then I wouldn't be interested in her. I just like the interesting that makes you want to hide away your children type."

We both laugh, and I'm feeling worlds of better. Even if I do still kind of want to kill Jacob. There's some part of this conversation that actually feels normal. I don't have to fight him and he's not trying to fight me. I'm the Alpha and apparently my inner instinct likes being in control. It can handle being on top a lot better than it can being around Alice, but I have it respects Alice more. It even at times welcomes her presence.

"Your father is headed this way."

"My dad is coming." We both point out at the same time.

"That was kind of freaky, huh?" I take a step away from him.

He nods in agreement, but doesn't comment on our moment of awkward.

"There you are, Bella," Charlie says as soon as he's close enough to not yell. "You had me worried."

"There's nothing to worry about," Jacob tells my father. "I'll protect her from anything."

Charlie pats Jacob on the back. "I'm sure you could."

Yeah, that sounds good. Jacob can't even protect himself against me. I could tear him apart. Plus, what is it exactly I'm supposed to be protected from? The dangerously fresh air?

"Are you ready to go?" Charlie asks me, as he carefully looks over my body searching for one hair to be out of place.

"I could take her back," Jacob trips over his words, sounding a little too eager. "If you don't mind?"

Charlie looks to Jacob and then back to me. "I guess that would be okay. Is it okay with you, Bella?"

"Yeah, that'd be cool." At least it would make Charlie happy.

"Good." He looks between Jacob and I again, this time he's smiling. "Good. So, I guess I'll just go." He focuses on Jacob. "Thanks," he says and then turns to me. "I'll see you at home Bella?"

I nod, and then silently watch as Charlie walks away with maybe a little more pep in his step. I've finally done something that makes my father happy and all I had to do was hang out with a boy.

"Thanks for staying," Jacob says as soon as my eyes leave Charlie.

I shrug. "Thanks for letting me." I guess. "Why don't you walk me home?"

"Walk?"

"How about we race there?" I smirk. "I bet I can run faster than you?"

He chuckles. "I bet you can as well."

"I'll give you a head start."

He looks at me warily, but he's not going to back down from this. He's playing with me and I'm playing back.

"Normally I'd say ladies first but," he shrugs and then takes off. He's really not that fast at all. His back is turned to me and it'd be so easy...

I shake my head. Not today. I don't want to become a murderer today, especially since I think I actually just made a new friend.

I am so pathetic. But, hey, at least I can win a race against a werewolf. I watch Jacob get further away, count to ten and then take off after him. We run quickly over the land, and our race turns into a game of hide and seek. We're each laughing and our laughs are echoing around us.

My instinct tells me that this isn't completely safe. It reminds me that I should keep hidden, but I'm tired of tucking myself away so that no one else can be offended by my existence. I have every right to stupidly run around playing some hyped up version of hide and seek. I'm going to let this game be the most important thing in the world to me. I finally let go, just a bit.

Jacob is hiding away and I open my senses up, letting them tell me where he might be. I can feel him near me. I can smell him in the air. He could never hide from me.

I smile as I approach the tree he's using as his shield. I jump around it, hoping to surprise him but he's expecting me. He yells out before I can, startling me and causing me to fall over. He falls to the ground next to me and we're both looking up at the sky and laughing.

Why can't my life be this easy everyday?

Our laughter stops and I prop myself up on my elbows so that I can look down at the boy laying next to me. "Thanks," I tell him.

"For what?"

"It doesn't matter." I shake my head. "Just...thanks."

His eyes narrow and I can feel that he wants to know more. His mouth opens, but he doesn't say anything. He must know I'm not going to tell any of my secrets.

I push myself all the way into a sitting position, knowing that this moment can't last forever. If for a second I felt like being honest with myself or if I wanted to actually listen to the instinct inside of me, I'd admit that this sort of feels like the calm before the storm.

"Why don't you just walk me the rest of the way home?" I ask Jacob with a smile.

He lifts himself up. "I can do that."

We both stand and then start a leisurely stroll towards reality. Because even though I don't want to admit it, I know that once I reach my front door this day will disappear and all I'll have left is the feeling inside of me. All I'll have is that thing that tells me Jacob isn't a friend. He and I aren't equals.

He is less than.

He is weak.

He is prey.


	7. Danger! Danger! High Voltage!

**Disclaimer: So yeah, I don't own Twilight. The song Danger! High Voltage is sung by Electric Six. I don't own that either.  
**

**A/N: As always, thank you for reading.  
**

**Chapter 6  
**

I hate it when I dream. I'm not even sure if it's dreams I'm really having anymore. It's more like something or someone calling out to me, reaching out for me. It's like they want to help me but I'm stuck on one side of a tinted window and they're stuck on the other. I can't hear them. I can't touch them. I don't even know if they are really there or I'm just looking back at my own reflection.

And when I wake up? It's like I'm screaming, but I'm not making a sound. I jump awake and my body feels like it just lost another battle. All the pain I've ever felt is inside of me scratching to come out, but when I look down at my body nothing is broken. Nothing is bruised. Nothing is scarred. Everything has just faded away and only my memories are still around to prove that any of it existed at all.

"Were you having a nightmare?"

My eyes focus and I see Alice standing in front of me. Her presence should freak me out, but for some reason I think a part of me was expecting her to show up in that way she does: completely unannounced, uninvited, and unwanted.

I throw my covers off of my body. "Should I know what you're talking about?"

She doesn't answer because we both know that I know what she's talking about. There's just that little problem of me not wanting to divulge my secrets to her.

I keep my silence and she stares at me, waiting. I still keep my silence. She can't win every one of our stupid little battles. The law of averages says that I have to win at least once.

"Bella if you don't talk about it," she finally tells me though now I'm sure I don't want to hear what she's going to say, "how do you expect it to get better?"

"Get better?" I ask incredulously. "Do you honestly believe that _any_ of this is going to get better?"

Her eyes meet mine and of course she doesn't back down. "Yes, why would I think anything else?"

I jump off of my bed ready to pounce on her and throw her out of my bedroom, but I stop myself before I reach her. I veer away and turn my back to her. "You should leave."

I can feel her step closer to me. "You need help, Bella. We can go see Carlisle. He's at the hospital tonight so you won't even have to deal with going to my place."

She sounds so damn genuine like she really wants to help. She always kind of sounded that way though even on that very first day. It seems like forever ago now, but it hasn't even been a week.

"I'll get dressed," I give in. There's nothing else to do, really. I'm up now. I've gotten my allotted amount of sleep for the night. Why not make a trip to the hospital? It might be more interesting than staring at the wall and wondering who it is I keep seeing in my dream and why I wake up in agony though by body shows no signs of injury.

"I'll wait outside," she tells me and then I feel her move away.

I shake my head, not at all sure that I'm doing the right thing, but of course I'm set on doing it anyway. I grab some clothes out of my closet and then jump out of my bedroom window. I stumble when I land, not yet able to get that perfect landing.

"Damn it," I curse as I try to gain my balance.

I feel a hand wrap around my arm, steadying me so that I don't fall onto my face. When I look over, Alice is holding me up with a smirk on her face. I know she wants to laugh at me, but she won't because she wants me to see her adopted father more than she wants to laugh at my clumsiness and make jokes.

"Let's go." I pull out of her grip, not wanting to risk my instinct going completely crazy again when it registers that Alice Cullen is touching me.

She nods and then takes off. I roll my eyes and then take off after her. There's no such thing as leisurely strolls with her, apparently. I do my best to keep up, using what control I have over my senses to guide me where it is I need to go. Within minutes, we're both standing outside of the hospital and this bad idea seems to have gotten exponentially worse.

I feel Alice's hand wrap around my arm again, this time restraining me instead of supporting me. "Don't even think about running, Bella."

"Why are you so sure he can even help me?" I never bothered to ask that before and right now I'm finding it to be a very important question. I've seen doctors about my little condition and they chose to fucking lock me up. They didn't understand me, didn't believe me so in order to keep their world safe they called me the crazy one. I'm not naïve enough to think that, that couldn't happen again. If Carlisle decides I'm a threat to vampires he might lock me up, and Alice might help him do it.

"I don't know," Alice loosens her grip on me and the air between us shifts. My senses are reaching out and I feel her trying not to respond. "I trust him."

But do I trust her? And if I do then what reason do I have for trusting her? Is it the multiple times she's kicked my ass that wins me over or the fact that she suddenly appears in my bedroom like some stalker?

"I met a werewolf today." I want to pull away from her, but I force myself to stand still.

Her eyes widen, but she says nothing. She doesn't even drop her hand from the loose grip she has on my bicep.

"We didn't fight." I didn't kill him.

Still, she keeps her silence.

"I could go to him for help."

"If you wanted help from him then you would have asked him for it today." Her hand finally falls away. "You wouldn't have waited for me."

"You are so fucking arrogant." She is also so fucking right. I can't trust a person that isn't stronger than me, because I can't trust myself to not harm them.

She smiles. "Carlisle is inside." She opens the hospital door for me. I brush by her not wanting to look at her, because she makes me feel so transparent and so weak and if I meet her eyes I don't know what other secrets she might draw out of me.

Eventually, we end up inside one of the hospital rooms. Alice promises me that Carlisle is on his way and I can't stop myself from thinking just how hard it would be to get by her to freedom. I'm staring at her and she's staring right back at me. We both know I'm not going anywhere.

The door opens and in steps a man who feels like vampire. He smells like vampire and I know he's older than Alice. He's stronger and that little urge of mine to run is starting to make it feel like a pinball machine is going off in my head. I need to leave.

I look to Alice, and she must see the panic taking over my body. "He's not going to hurt you," she assures me. "He's harmless."

I think she meant to say that he's harmful. He may look benign but he feels malignant.

"Are you okay, Isabella?" He asks, not taking another step into the room. "Do you need a moment?"

I could have a thousand moments, but I don't think it would help with this. "Just do whatever you're going to do," I order. "Make it quick."

He nods and then slowly moves towards me like I'm a caged animal he's trying to comfort. I have to calm myself. There is no reason for me to be so afraid of him. I wasn't afraid of a pack of werewolves. I was just irritated. I can do this.

"Come on Indestructo Girl," Alice says from across the room, thoughtfully keeping her distance. "Get control."

Carlisle looks between the two of us, once again stalling his movement.

"Do it," I tell him again, feeling only marginally better.

He nods. "I'll need to ask some personal questions of you, Bella."

"It started when I was twelve," I tell him anticipating what it is he'll need to know. "No, actually it got a lot worse when I was twelve. I'd always sort of noticed things as a kid. Like, how I didn't ever really get sick, and even though I fell a lot I never got too hurt. I'd always known who to trust and who not to. But it's gotten worse."

"Alice has told me a bit about your reactions," he informs me. I guess Alice can't keep secrets. "Do you mind if I take a sample of your blood."

"Take whatever you need."

He prepares his things, and then takes those final steps to me. He can reach out to strangle me he's so close. "We don't have to do this tonight," Carlisle offers.

"I may never come back." I thrust out my arm. "So do it now."

He slowly places a band around my arm and then gets ready to stick me with a needle. I close my eyes so that I don't have to see him do it but force them open again when I hear him say, "That's odd."

I look down at my arm and see that the needle he tried to puncture me with is broken. My arm is free from any marks.

"It would appear as though your skin is quite tough."

"It wasn't before," Alice chimes in, moving closer to us. She slaps at my skin with her bare hand and we all watch as my arm turns red from the abuse.

"Hey," I growl at her. She hisses back but otherwise ignores me.

"Try it now," she tells her father.

Carlisle gives her a disapproving look, but pulls another needle out and pushes it into my arm. It goes in easily and within moments is taking out my blood. This time I watch in fascination as something as stupid as Alice hitting me made this work.

Carlisle clears his throat, but I don't turn my attention to him. I stay focused on the needle eventually realizing that it is beginning to shake because Carlisle's hand is beginning to shake.

"Alice," he says, after clearing his voice again. "You have been around Bella's blood before, correct?"

She nods.

He looks to her. "Then please, take care of this." He waits for her hand to take control of the needle before he steps away from us. "I must apologize, Bella but I find myself not to be unaffected by your blood. If you'll excuse me." He hurries out of the room and my brain is starting to catch on to what I've allowed to happen here.

My blood is vampire ambrosia apparently.

"Get this fucking needle out of my arm, Alice." I don't even bother to look at her because I know her eyes must be turning black. This is why I hate hospitals, because this kind of shit happens to me in them.

Alice quickly follows my demand. She has the vial of blood in her hand and is looking at it like she'd like to have a late night snack.

"Go ahead," I tell her. "It's just blood."

She jumps as if I've just walked in on her private little moment. She holds the vial away from her body, forcing herself not to look at it. "I'm not going to drink your blood."

"It's useless to him," I argue. "He can't be around it so he can't test it."

Her head slowly turns back to the vial. I can tell she's taking my words into consideration. She actually wants to drink my blood and this is the person I've chosen to trust.

Well, don't I have great judgment? People should win awards for my kind of judgment.

"Here!" She shoves the vial into my empty hand and then runs out of the room like there's something chasing her. I look down at my hand and then back to the door.

A part of me is a little disappointed that she resisted the urge. I kind of want her to give me a reason not to trust her. It'd make my life easier, wouldn't it? One less person to deal with. One less person to count on.

The door opens and someone who I don't know enters. "Dr. Cullen sent me in here for that." He points at the vial in my hand.

"Oh," I stupidly reply then stretch my arm out to him. "Here ya go."

He reaches out for it and then plucks it from me. "You can go now if you need to. Dr. Cullen said he didn't need anything else."

"Okay." I jump down from the hospital bed and then move towards the door.

"I hope you get to feeling better," he calls out to me before I leave.

I can't help the bark of laughter that escapes me; there's no curing my disease. "Thanks," I mutter.

When I step out into the hospital's hallway, I look around expecting something. Maybe I think Alice is hiding out or maybe Carlisle finally got his shit together and decided to walk me out, but both of them are gone. They couldn't handle me. I force my hands into my front pockets and then hurry out of the hospital. I walk with my head down so that I don't have to interact with anyone who wants to interfere with my solitary state of mind.

Self-pity is usually better when done alone.

"You should turn that frown upside..."

The voice surprises me and before I can tell my body what to do, it's already reaching out to pin someone's body to the hospital's brick wall.

"You must have been the bully on the playground." Damn fucking Alice Cullen.

"And you must have been the kid eating sand." I push into her one more time before I release her.

Suddenly this thoughtful look comes over her. "I don't think we had playgrounds when I was a kid."

Didn't have...oh yeah, right. Vampire. "How old are you?"

She shrugs. "Not sure."

"You really like vague-ing up your details, don't you?"

She rolls her eyes and sighs heavily. "I'm not being obtuse. I just don't remember."

"If only we all could be that lucky." There's a few bits and pieces of my life I'd like to forget, this whole hospital experience being one of them.

"I think you're a pretty remarkable person, Isabella Swan," Alice tells me, her voice full of compassion. She's looking at me like she wants to reach out and give my soul a nice long comforting hug and sing campfire songs with it.

I take a step away from her.

"You don't know me, Alice Cullen," I point out.

"And you don't want me to," she challenges. "You want to sit in a room with your nightmares and hide away from the world."

"You don't know what I want." I turn away from her. This conversation is over. I don't need a late night therapy session.

She follows me as I hurry away. "I do know what it's like to suddenly wake up one day completely different than the way you were just a day before."

"Yeah well," I continue walking, "do you happen to know how to go away?"

Her hand wraps around my forearm and she pulls me to a stop. "Do you want me to?"

Want? I haven't thought about what I want in a while. I've just focused on keeping secrets and telling lies. "I want you to remove your hand from my body before I can't control myself anymore and I decide to attack you."

We both look down to her hand touching my bare skin.

_Danger! Danger! High Voltage!_

Her hand doesn't move.

"Control it," she orders.

"I don't know how," I admit.

_Danger! Danger! High Voltage! When we touch._

"You have to."

My eyes travel the length of my arm until I'm looking into Alice's eyes. "I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be controlling."

"It doesn't matter." She tightens her grip. "You control it or it controls you."

I take a breath, hoping that it'll help.

It doesn't. So, I take another.

It doesn't help either.

Oh well, Rome wasn't built in a day.

My free arm whips around and I end up punching Alice. She goes flying away and this time I know not to sit around and wait for her to recover. I follow her trek across the sky and am there when she lands. She kicks up at me but I easily pivot away.

She lashes out at me, and this time her punches don't connect. My instinct is learning. It's getting stronger. She's teaching it to be better, but it still doesn't know enough because eventually one of her punches land and it's my turn to fly through the air with no control.

I land and quickly orient myself. Alice is in front of me, once again I'm about to lose a fight. She pins me against a tree, one of her hands restraining my arms and the other restraining my body.

I growl out my frustration.

"Control it," she whispers.

"You control it!" My body doesn't want to run. It's tired of running. It needs...more.

"I'm trying to." Her voice is still controlled, but I know she's trying to clamp down on her little inner freak just like I am. Her eyes are black and she's panting even though her body doesn't need a single breath of fresh air to survive.

I try to free myself from her hold, but I'm not going anywhere.

"Let me go!" I push against her hold again.

"Calm down!" She growls at me.

This situation is quickly escalating way beyond either one of our control limits. Her hands push against me and I'm surprised I don't crack from the pressure she's putting on me. She looks like she's going to collapse, and I know that the only thing holding either one of us up right now is the tree I'm pressed against.

"What are you?" She asks, her voice shaking.

I stop struggling against her and our eyes lock.

"Fuck," I whisper right before she leans in and I'm not quite sure whether she's looking to eat me again or...

Her grip on my arms eases up and my instinct uses the opportunity to break free and shove her away from me. She falls to the ground and within moments, I'm on top of her growling.

She growls back and while I have every intention of pulling away from her and running as far away as I can get, my lack of control has me leaning down pressing into Alice's body.

The world around me goes black. I can't sense the trees. I can't sense any of the little furry creatures hanging out around us. All I can feel is Alice beneath me and this desire to devour her in the only way my body seems to communicate right now.

Alice pushes against me and suddenly I'm not the one on top anymore. She growls again and I growl back. We've both gone stupid.

The beasts inside of us have taken over.

Everything happens so quickly that my brain isn't even keeping up with my body's own actions. When the world finally starts to fade back in, I realize that my clothes are ripped mostly off, there are bite marks on my neck and I can't fill in any of the blanks.

I look over at Alice who looks to be pretty much in the same condition as I am.

"That was..." I trail off not really having any words.

She looks over at me. "Fucked up," she fills in the blank for me. Then, she sits up suddenly her hands going to one of the bite marks layering my skin. "I bit you!"

"Maybe." I shrug. It's not like I remember a whole lot about what just happened.

"Fuck!" She yells out. "You're infected."

"Infected?" I'm confused. "With what?"

"The virus," she tells me taking a closer look at my arm.

I can feel all of my toes and all of my fingers. My body feels...well it hurts but it feels kind of relaxed. I feel like taking a nap, but I don't feel infected. "What?"

She looks over my body. "You're not infected?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I tell her. "But I don't feel sick. I never get sick. I'm immune to everything."

"You're immune?" She whispers.

"You know, I still don't know what you're talking about." I pull away from her, my body growing cold from her lack of presence. That is kind of odd. I take a closer look at her seeing that she's got a little bit of color in her cheeks.

"You're immune." She says again.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah well, you're not pale."

She blinks a couple of times. "W-what?"

"Your skin," I point to her face. "You've got color and I think your body is producing warmth."

She looks down at herself. Her eyes widening as she realizes I'm not trying to sale her a bridge to nowhere.

"This is amazing," she whispers right before she collapses.

I rush over to her calling out her name, but she doesn't respond. She's passed out. I try waking her, but there's nothing I can do.

"Your parents would be so proud," A voice says from behind me.

I turn to see who it is since I didn't feel anyone come into my field of instinctual vision. My eyes find a woman standing five feet behind me. She's wearing white leather pants and a white leather vest that contrasts vividly against her dark skin.

"Let me guess," I snort. "You're the villain."

She smirks. "Have we met before?"

I so shouldn't have left my bedroom tonight. My dreams were foreshadow and now I'm stuck living out this fucked up reality. I look back down at Alice, hoping that she gains consciousness so that we can run away.

"She'll be fine," the woman tells me. "She didn't take enough blood from you to kill her."

"Kill her?"

She nods and then closes the distance between us. She kneels so that she can look down at the vampire I'm holding in my arms. My dumb human self wants to push her away, but some part of me knows that picking a battle with her isn't one I'd ever win.

"I misspoke." She stands back up. "I think she's already technically dead. She's an abomination."

"No," I correct. "She's a vampire."

She raises her brow. "She feeds off of the blood of the living to continue her own existence. She's not human. She's a parasite, an abomination."

"Then what am I?"

"One of us, dear girl." She reaches out and brushes my hair behind my ear. I force my body not to move.

"One of us?" My voice isn't as steady as I'd like it to be, but I'm sort of in a bad situation here.

"We don't have time for proper introductions, I'm afraid." She looks around. "They do so want you to go with them."

"You're really kind of freaking me out," I say knowing that the 'they' she speaks of are probably people that are like her and I don't want to be around anymore of 'them'.

She smiles. "I'm good at that."

"W-what's going on?" Alice finally wakes up. Her face as pale as ever and her body as cold as ice.

"Ah, see I told you," the woman says. "She's as good as...dead?"

Alice jumps up out of my arms. "Who are you?" She asks our visitor.

The woman tilts her head. "I'm not sure I like you," she tells Alice. "But I am admittedly prejudiced. I generally don't like human abominations."

Alice opens her mouth to yell out or ask something else, but the other woman raises her hand and shushes us. Her eyes close and she looks like she's listening for something no one else can hear or see.

"One step ahead but not far enough ahead," she whispers. Her eyes open and she turns to face Alice and me. "You must run now and you must trust me to find you again."

"W-what? I'm not going anywhere," I say.

"Willful. Stubborn." She sighs. "We must be related." She takes another look around and then focuses her attention on me. "I will explain everything to you later, I promise. But for right now just know that I am not your villain, okay. So please take your pet vampire and get out of here."

My instinct finally gets a kick-start. I don't want to flee from her. I don't want to fight her, and I don't want to fuck her. She's like me and I guess that's enough for my instinct to trust her. "Fine."

"What do you mean, 'fine'?" Alice chimes in.

"We have to go," I grab onto Alice's hand to drag her unwillingly with me.

I know I'm crazy, but I also seem to be pretty good at running. I tighten my grip on Alice and then take off, forcing her to follow me. We run as long as we can until we are forced to stop. I don't even know where we are when we do finally slow down and the blur of shadows that have been passing us by turn into solid objects.

I look around us panting. My body is exhausted and I think my brain is just now absorbing tonight's events.

"Are you okay?" Alice asks me.

My vision is a little blurry, but otherwise I feel fine. Tired, though. Really tired.

"Bella?" Alice steps towards me. I open my mouth to respond, but don't get a chance to. My body collapses and with it my consciousness. My body can't take anymore. I can't take anymore.


	8. Inevitability

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**A/N: Thank you for all of your comments. They are much appreciated. **

**Inevitability  
**

My eyes are closed, and when I open them I hope I'll be waking into a dream instead of coming out of one. I hope that my recent memories are just fabrications of my overactive imagination. It's in my best interest to pretend like I never went to the hospital with Alice to let Carlisle study me. It's best for everyone involved if Alice and I never acknowledge whatever it is that happened to us when our beasts roamed free and our humanity took a nap.

"I can tell that you're awake."

There is no sleeping my way through this. I guess I have to wake up into reality. I open my eyes knowing that I'm not going to find myself lying in my own bed. I remember passing out on a sidewalk, it might have been better if that's where I stayed. "You're still around," I needlessly point out as I prop myself up on the bed.

"I wasn't going to leave you passed out on the street," Alice tells me as if this is something I should already know, but right now I really can't be sure of anything. Everything is crisscrossed and I don't know how it got that way.

"You should have." I throw my legs over the side of the bed determined to get up so that I'll be better positioned to start an argument. I don't even care that my legs feel like they can hardly hold my weight.

"Do you really feel that way?"

Alice is looking straight at me, maybe even straight into me. "Yes." I don't turn away from her. "It would have saved us from this awkward morning after."

"Are you really that set on dying?" Still, she looks into me. My staring power isn't forcing her to turn away.

"I can't die." That's becoming my mantra and my go to thing when I have nothing else to go to.

"Look in a mirror," she scoffs. "You look halfway dead, Bella."

I don't need to look in the mirror. I feel halfway dead. My world is spinning and I think my little instinct thing is broken. I feel more human than I have in a long time, and it doesn't feel okay. My body hurts. My head hurts. If I were the sickly type I'd say that I was infected by an illness. "A virus," I whisper as I raise my hand so that I can properly blame Alice for my current condition. "You," I say as I point, "you infected me with a virus."

She doesn't look like she's going to deny it. Why would she? "What is this?" I ask, lowering my arm and letting my body deflate. I'm not strong enough to argue. I'll settle for just figuring out what's wrong with me.

"You've been sleeping for three days, Bella." Alice runs her hand through her hair, a gesture I haven't seen her do before. "When people wake up from the infection they're vampires."

I look down at my body and feel the urge to wiggle my toes just to see if all my body parts are working like they're supposed to be, but vampires can wiggle their toes too. All of their outside parts work, it's the inner ones that really die.

I can feel my heart beating. My body is warm, hot even, feverish. I'm not a vampire. I'm more mortal than I've been in a long time.

"I've been watching over you." Her eyes finally look away from me. "I was wondering what I'd do when you woke up. I wanted to run for help, but I wasn't sure…" her words trail off and I have no way of following her string of thought.

I'm not a vampire. "I'm immune."

"No," she shakes her head, "you're not immune. You had a high fever, became delirious."

So this is what sick feels like. I was infected with Vampire and apparently my body fights it off, but becomes very mortal in the process.

"You're not human, Bella." Alice turns away from me. She walks towards the only window in this little hotel room. "The virus kills you or you change."

"You like pointing out the obvious, don't you?" I feel like lying back down. I'm weak and Alice has stayed to protect me. It's the part of her sentence she left unsaid. There's a scary lady out there who's probably trying to introduce me to a world of crazy shit that has craptastic written all over it.

"I'd really like it if right now you toned down on the sarcasm." Alice wraps her arm around her body. She's looking longingly out the window like she'd rather be outside rather than in.

"What conversation are we having here?" Fuck tiptoeing through the awkwardness. I'm railroading my way through hoping to finally be alone when we're done. "There's a lot of talking we need to get through, Alice. Like, what the hell happened between us in the woods or why when we were done fuck-fighting you caught a dose of alive? There are so many questions and quite honestly I don't see the point in answering any of them. I don't want to answer any of them."

"You don't see a point?" Alice finally turns to look at me again. "This is serious Bella and you need to stop acting like an immature child."

"We're playing a guessing game when neither of us have answers." I go ahead and lay back down. "We both know the only person with answers is the woman who called you an abomination."

After a moment I feel the bed sink under someone else's added weight. "We can't pretend like nothing happened; I won't do that."

I close my eyes trying not to think about how much this situation sucks. I want answers. I do. I just don't know if I want to pay the price for knowing them.

"You're still feverish," Alice whispers. "You need rest."

Does that mean that we're done talking? Does it mean I don't have to think about what's coming for me? Can life really just be about a vampire watching over me as I sleep?

Alice's arm wraps around me. She pulls me closer to her and her lack of body heat cools me, soothing the fever that has me under its control. Our beasts are calm now. They have reached an understanding. I don't feel the need to start fighting. She can touch me. She can comfort me and offer me the calm before the storm starts up again.

"You can still leave." I don't pull away from Alice, but I need to offer her a way out. That woman in the woods didn't care about Alice. She was after me, and the things or people that we ran from also were after me.

"I can't," she speaks so softly I hardly hear her, "not anymore."

I open my mouth to respond, but I don't have anything to say. I don't know how to respond to her. I don't know what's been happening between us and I don't know why my inner beast all of the sudden has decided to keep silent. It's not trying to force me into a decision or situation without my consent.

I'm completely under my control and I'm just as helpless as I was before. Well, that's not really true. This time, I'm helpless and sick. I'm one step forward and ten steps back.

"This isn't your fault, Alice." Maybe that's what I wanted to say before or maybe it's just what I want to hear. I am sixteen years old. This is not the life I signed up for.

"It isn't yours either," Alice whispers giving me that thing I was silently seeking.

I close my eyes. I'm going to try again to forget everything. I'm going to stop trying to figure out whether I'm alive or dead. If my life is going to get as fucked as I know it will, I know that I at least deserve this one moment of peace.

"It is kinda my fault," my brain isn't going to shut up. It's confessing the thoughts I want to keep trapped away. "You said it yourself, I'm not human. I was born this way and I've been happily ignorant up until the point I couldn't be ignorant anymore."

Alice tightens her hold on me. "What do you mean?"

"They lock away or kill things they don't understand." I snuggle deeper into Alice. I'd rather cuddle up to this vampire than to my distant memories. "When I first tried to tell my mother I felt different she told me that there was nothing wrong with me. I kept trying to tell her, but she kept on ignoring it. So I took a razor and cut into myself in front of her so that she would finally listen." It wasn't a well thought out plan.

"What happened?" Alice prompts me.

"I healed in front of her, but all she saw was the blood." All she understood was the blood. All anyone understood was the blood and the razor I took to my flesh. They understood a troubled teen. "She told the doctors I tried to kill myself in front of her and then I was locked away." They lock away or kill things they don't understand, so I guess I should be thankful that they can't kill me.

"I was locked away, too." Alice keeps her tone low. We're speaking as if someone is here to overhear us. "When I was human I had visions of the future. I don't remember everything, but I know I was put into an institution."

This is the second time she's mentioned her memory lapse. I still do envy her that. It has to be easier to not remember the pain. But maybe there is something I'm not remembering. I might be locking away something to protect myself against the hurt.

"Do you want to remember?"

"Sometimes," Alice admits. Her grip loosens on me. She's pulling away. Our conversation must be over. My instinct is binging again, even as sick as I might be. I finally open my eyes and take a step away from my past. I've got to live in the here and now.

"You called your family," I say knowingly. I can feel them hovering outside the door.

"I didn't know what else to do, Bella." I know that I should understand, but I don't trust her family. "They want to help."

"I'll have to run from them." I'm sick and can't protect myself. My beast won't sit here waiting to be consumed.

"They're going to stay outside and," the door opens before Alice can even finish her sentence. In walks a woman with a paper sack in hand. She's vampire and old.

"I brought her some soup," the woman holds up the bag.

"Soup?" I sit up the best I can. I think I've already used up all the energy that I've been gaining while sleeping. "I don't think I have the common cold."

"It doesn't matter," the woman waves away my comment. "You're still sick and you need to eat."

"I need to wake up into a universe that makes sense," I flop back down onto the bed. My instinct doesn't want to run, at least it doesn't want to yet. It's riled up from the vampires standing outside but seems to be okay with the vampires inside the room. It doesn't make sense.

"I'm just glad you woke up," the woman moves closer to the bed, but still stays far enough away so that my urge to run maintains a low hum. "Alice was getting very worried, we all were."

"If you say so." I don't know this person. I don't really know any of them. I don't know what to think of them and there's no way they could know what to think of me.

She pulls a plastic container out of her bag and then pops off the lid. A spoon comes out as well but she doesn't offer any of it to me. "Do you mind if I come closer?"

Do I? Yes. She sets of my instinct, maybe not as strongly as some of Alice's siblings but she still sets it off.

"Alice," the woman looks to the other vampire in the room. "Here, take this to her."

Alice responds without question. She takes the plastic container from the woman and then brings it to me. I reluctantly take it from her. I don't want to give in to them, but I am feeling hunger pains. It must be part of the whole being sick thing. My body still can take nutrients from food.

"It is nice to finally meet you, Bella," the woman tells me as I start eating the soup given to me, which I'll refuse to admit actually tastes good. "I'm Esme, Alice's mother."

"I can't say she's told me a lot about you." Alice and I haven't gotten the chance to share too many stories about our families. We've been preoccupied with bashing each other's faces in and…that other thing.

"We want to help you, Bella." Esme starts moving closer, but seems to think better of it and stops.

"Help me what?" I'm not sure how she can offer me something without knowing what she's offering. I don't know if I need help and if I did I wouldn't know what kind of help to ask for. "I'm pretty sure your kind and my kind aren't supposed to get along. Every time I see one of you I want to kill you or run from you. It'd probably be best if we kept our distance." I hold up the container of soup. "But thanks for the soup."

Esme looks to Alice and then back to me. "Well, we're here anyway." Her attention goes back to Alice. "Jasper is outside. You should go talk to him."

Alice's eyes widen. She looks to the door and it almost seems like she doesn't want to go out there. I want to ask who Jasper is, but I shouldn't care.

"Will you be okay alone?" Alice asks me.

"She won't be alone," Esme answers for me. "I'll be here."

Alice still looks at me. She's at war with herself and I don't know why. "Who's Jasper?" So much for not caring.

Alice's jaw tightens. I don't think she wants to answer me. "He's my mate."

A growl builds up in the back of my throat but I swallow it down. "Go." I give all of my attention to the plastic container in my hands. "Esme will watch over me."

I can feel Alice step closer to me, but I don't look up. This soup is the most interesting thing in the world to me. It's all soupy and full of soup goodness.

Alice takes another step closer. I keep my attention on my soup but still force myself to say, "It's not time for us to have this conversation yet, Alice, and I really prefer not to have it in front of company."

I don't need to look up to know that Alice agrees with me. We can't have a conversation about our little rendezvous. I still don't remember all the details of what it is that happened between us. All I know is that we satiated our beasts. She drank my blood and I'm not entirely certain that I didn't drink a little bit of hers.

I need more time before we can tackle that talk. I don't quite know how to tell her that my virginity was taken by our beasts. What should have been a something special for me was just another thing my instinct has taken from me. My first mate is a vampire that has a mate of her own. Isn't this the sort of thing that should start off a romance novel about epic love?

Alice steps away from me. She waits a moment before she walks out of the room. I look to Esme as she's been silently watching over us. "This thing between you and Alice," she asks me, "it's complicated, isn't it?"

I nod as I place my now empty container on the nightstand next to me. "Like most things nowadays, it doesn't make sense."

"Things will get better." These are the types of things I want to hear. I want to know that I'm not alone. I want to know that things will get better despite the fact that they've just been getting worse. I want to believe her.

"But they're going to get worse first." We both know it will. This is just the beginning.

"It may not."

I chuckle sardonically. "I hope you're right, Esme." Although, I still know she's wrong. "Do me a favor?"

Esme gives me a questioning look. "What do you need?"

"Stop Alice from coming after me."

Esme eyes widen and she steps towards me, but before she gets too close I use what energy I have to jump through the window and out into the world that is waiting for me. I don't stick my landing, but don't let my inability to fall gracefully from up high hold me back. I roll with my fall and then get onto my feet and begin running as fast as my body will take me.

I hear Esme trying to follow me, but I know that this time I'm running for the right reasons and I can't let her catch me. I can't be talked into going back to Alice and her family. I can't trust them…I can't let them trust me.

So, I run. I stumble as I run, but I keep running without even a destination in mind. I run and run until I fall and can't get back up again. I collapse onto the ground and then just look up at the dark sky. There aren't any stars in the sky. It's just black. It's a freaking omen to my fucked up life.

"You should have stayed with the abominations." The woman from the other night fills my vision. "You're weaker alone."

I don't even bother to respond. I'm not sure I could if I wanted to. My body is too weak.

She sighs, bends down and then sweeps me up off the ground. "At least I have your undivided attention."

"W-what do," it's so hard for me to speak, to think.

"Though, I don't really feel like talking now." She starts walking and I know there is no point in fighting her off. I relax my muscles and resign myself to the inevitability of it all. There should be a tacky neon sign flickering somewhere that reads "Isabella Swan, This is Your Life. Welcome the Fuck Home".


	9. Fairy Tale

**Disclaimers: Don't Twilight nor do I own the characters**

**A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews. I promise I am reading them and appreciating them. I'm on 24HR rotation for work so my time comes in bits and pieces. Enjoy.  
**

** Fairy Tales**

I wake up in my own bed. It's surprising since I kind of thought I wouldn't wake up here ever again. I open my eyes and then sit up. The woman that carried me away is sitting on the edge of my bed cleaning out the dirt from underneath her fingernails with a knife. I'm sure she'd seem more intimidating if she wasn't using a butter knife.

"You healed yet?" Her eyes lazily sweep over my body.

"I don't know." I feel better.

"You really shouldn't have let her bite you." She puts the edge of the dull blade in her mouth. "There are other ways to make your sex life interesting."

"I didn't let her bite me!" I protest. I don't even remember her biting me. "And I don't have a sex life." I probably shouldn't have said that.

"Huh," she grunts, "that's not how I remember it." She pulls the knife out of her mouth.

I roll my eyes. There's something about her that is…irritatingly comforting but in a very dangerous way. "Who are you, anyway?"

"Ah." She smirks. "Is it story time?"

I don't answer her. There's no point in it. She's here for a reason.

"Fine," she shrugs. "On with it then." Her relaxed pose gets stiffer. I am so not going to like what she's going to tell me. She's gearing up to deliver me my ruin, I know it. "Where would you like me to start?"

And this is my moment of truth, right? This is when I get all the answers and leave behind all the innocence. I open my mouth to ask something, but close it before I can say anything. I don't know what to ask. I think some questions might be better left without answers.

"It's fascinating, you know." The woman finally ends the silence. "You're so different than what I had imagined."

"Disappointing, huh?" With all the things I can do she probably thought I'd be cool, calm and collected, but I turn out to be stumbly, sickly, and stupid.

"No, you've always been fascinating, Bella." She replies.

"You know me?" Because I could swear in a court of law that I've never seen this woman before in my life.

"I do," she nods. "Of course, I have not been given the proper opportunity to know you as you are now, but the mortal vessel is fleeting."

I knew that I wasn't going to like this. "Mortal vessel?"

"Mortality," she tells me as she holds up her hand. "It holds us here and gives us a presence in this world."

Yeah, not liking this at all. It's too New Age for me. I'd rather stick with the vampires and werewolves that I'm used to. They make at least some sort of sense.

She lowers her hand, and her eyes sweep to meet mine. "You don't remember anything at all?"

"N-no," I stutter and break away from her knowing gaze. I look down at my hand. "What is it I should be remembering?"

The woman sighs heavily. "I feel like the bearer of bad news." She gets up from my bed, and then walks over to the window. "I so wanted to give you this." She turns back to me. "I wanted to let you have this mortal life with the family and friends and homework and…" her voice trails off. "But my special Bella is never satisfied with mediocrity. You had to start public suicide attempts and mingling with vampires and werewolves. You even manage to get infected with the Vampire virus." She shrugs helplessly. "There is no protecting you because you never want protecting."

"Protecting?" Why does she have to draw this out? "Just tell me whatever it is that needs telling."

"You should really learn to enjoy your climaxes more," she comments as she shifts her stance to once again look out the window. "The truth will ultimately leave you unfulfilled. It's the foreplay that makes it all worth it."

How does a person…how do I reply to that? She does kind of look like a double entendre, what with all her white leather, lean muscular build, dark perfect hair, beautifully mystical grey eyes, and general air of power and control that makes it seem like she could either guiltlessly stab me in the heart or just as guiltlessly seduce me. So, I guess I can judge her by her looks and assume that she'll speak like a double entendre as well.

"You said something about it being story time?" I think that made me sound even stupider. I just asked her for a story like a five year old.

She doesn't turn away from the window. She just starts talking and our eyes meet through the reflection on the glass. "A very long time ago there existed a dark world."

So she really is going to tell me a story. Great. "You don't say?"

"Bella, it's story time, so shut up and listen." The killer in her comes out. I hear it in her voice.

I nod, somehow knowing that there isn't much I could do that would escape her notice.

"A very long time ago," she begins again, "there existed a dark world, and in that dark world lived a small clan of peoples that were drawn to the only source of light to be found in the absence of a sun. It existed atop the Great Mountain, and was believed to be placed there by a vengeful deity who hated the idea of life existing outside of its realm." She finally turns to look at me and then moves back to my bed, but doesn't sit back down.

"The clan, however, craved a break from the darkness and often tried to climb the mountain to reach the solitary point of light. It was believed by the wise that whoever possessed the light would be the one that would have all the power of the world."

"Obviously someone made it to the light." Her story would be kind of pointless if no one ever did.

"The mountain was great," she ignores my comment. "It was taller than any that exist here. Sharp jagged rocks covered the mountain's base making it almost impossible to even begin the climb, but the clan molded their entire existence around capturing the light. Generations of myth spiraled into honorable deaths brought on by the Great Mountain, but eventually heroic myth faded into lunacy and the clan decided that darkness was better than losing their lives trying to accomplish the impossible. The vengeful deity had won."

"I'm still not quite understanding what this has to do with me." Or what it has to do with vampire viruses and werewolves and those people she supposedly fought off for me. Or the fact that when we first sort of met she said that we were related.

"Then one day," she ignores me again, "for some unknown reason the light began to shine brighter than it had ever shone before. The long tunnel of light reached down to shine upon a woman giving birth. Myth was resurrected and the child born that day was known as the Child of Light. Old stories were told once again about great power existing atop the mountain and once again the clan tried climbing it in hopes of reaching the light and harnessing its power.

"Years passed and still no one had succeeded. The clan then began to tell tales of the vengeful deity tempting them with false hope and they accused the Child of Light of being a false prophet. There were those that wished to kill her, but many others feared that the child's death would bring the wrath of the already angry deity so instead of death they left her alone in a world full of darkness with no companionship. She was an outcast."

Finally the woman sits down. The story seems to actually mean something to her. Perhaps it is more than a Fairy Tale. "What happened to her?" I ask kind of interested now.

"The Child of Light lived a solemn existence. She grew into a beautiful woman whom knew nothing of her people and cared nothing of the light. She left the base of the mountain, where the only light in the world existed, and ventured out into the darkness. Some of her clan cared enough to warn her of the danger that lurked in the darkness, but most of her clan heralded her departure.

"Heedless of the warnings she had received, she turned to the darkness not understanding why the light was to be worshipped and the darkness feared. She entered into the abyss, travelled for years and found nothing."

"Nothing?" I'm starting to wonder again what the point of her story is.

"Nothingness," this time she pays attention to me. "It surrounded her, swallowed her. She tried to return to her clan, but there was no way of telling which way she had come from and which way she was going to. In the absence of direction, she sat upon the hard deadened earth and closed her eyes. After years of nothingness she was used to silence and darkness so was terrified when she began to hear voices. She quickly leapt to her feet ready for battle, but as she looked around her she was still surrounded by nothingness.

"So again, she closed her eyes, concentrated and again she heard voices. She kept her eyes closed and tried to decipher what the voices were saying. Whispers turned into shouts and she realized that the voices came from the nothingness. Inside of the absence there existed a whole different world. And when she finally opened her eyes she was no longer in her world of darkness, but in a world bright with color and full of life. She had transported herself to an entirely different existence."

"Let me guess, that world was this one." I'm starting to see the point again.

"It was, but she didn't know how to stay here. She was here for a moment and then…gone. She tried to return, but she didn't know how. Wanting help, she set about returning to her clan. She wanted to share with them what she had discovered. So she went back to the Great Mountain, but as she looked upon her clansmen who had abused and ostracized her, she told them: 'If you walk into the darkness all you will find is darkness.' She lied. What did she owe them?"

"Whoever controlled the light controlled the power of the world?" It makes sense that being able to hop over to another world would mean great power.

She nods. "Exactly. So she tried on her own to breach the veil again and eventually she succeeded. But others watched her and discovered her secret. The entire clan eventually learned of it, but not everyone could pass over into the new world. The clan split and peace became a causality of knowledge. The new clans declared war on each other each seeking to somehow harness the power from the other world, and we have had war ever since."

"What happened to the Child of Light?"

"She became the leader of one of the new clans. She is very powerful, but even she cannot exist outside of the darkness forever. We were born to nothingness, we are meant to exist in it. We are primal and raw. We are just visitors here."

"We?"

"This world," her gaze sweeps across my room, "it is intoxicating, I'll admit. There is so much…texture here. Time, life, emotion, it all means something."

"It doesn't mean something where you're from?" I'm still not wrapping my head around this. Ironically, I'm kind of feeling like I'm having an out of body experience.

"We, my dearest, where 'we' are from." She points to me. "You are a visitor here just as much as I am."

"So who am I?" I whisper, hoping that the secret she tells me won't be what I'm expecting.

"You are part of the Clan. You originally crossed over to chase down some Others. You suffered injuries and somehow managed to mix yourself up in humanity. I've been protecting you in this world, but it is now time you learn how to return home."

"I'm a soldier." Usually important people aren't sent out to rescue the common lowly soldier that got lost on the way back home.

"Ah," Her hand slides through her long dark hair. "I guess that is one way of putting it. Though, you are not just any soldier."

"Am I the original Child of Light?" She did say that the girl still existed.

"My," she chuckles, "aren't we arrogant and self-important."

I'll take that as a no. "So who am I?"

She smiles. "You are Bella."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, then what am I?"

"You are one of us."

I think she's being purposefully vague. "What does that mean?"

She tilts her head, and stares at me. Her light grey eyes are evaluating every inch of my body. "It means you come from nothingness," she softly tells me. "It is time you start learning how to get back to it."

I clinch my fists, frustrated with all the answers that I'm not getting. "Why?"

"Because," she draws out the word, "very few of us can last long in this world. It drains us, zaps up all of our mojo. We start forgetting things, our bodies grow weak, and we do stupid things like sex-play with vampires."

I open my mouth to ask something else but she raises her hand to stop me. "Before you ask, there are very few of us. We can't breed like mortals. We exist and when we're gone then we are gone forever. We fade away to something…else, and my dearest Bella you're beginning to fade."

"But I can't die." It's time I go back to my mantra. I'm indestructible. I'm the weird girl that is immortal, not the weird girl that is dying.

"No, it just takes more to kill you." She moves closer to me. "And you are weak enough now that there are those who seek to harvest your energy as their own."

"Okay," I shrug helplessly. "So what does that mean?"

"As with most societies, we have evolved past fundamentalist conjecturing. The light atop the Great Mountain is a small tear between this world and our own. It was not put there by a vengeful god. Those who cannot pass over on their own have found a way to use that tear to traverse between worlds. It's difficult on the body and mind and some who choose that method of transport do not survive it. Our war has leaked into this one and we have used such methods like, biological warfare" her gazes levels on me, "the vampire virus, to weaken each other further. We have also developed ways of absorbing each other's essences to enhance our own power."

"Who are you?" She hasn't told me that yet. She might be one of the things trying to kill me. She might be making this whole doom and gloom parade up.

"I'm Coll, but as far as who I am to you, for now I still act as your protector."

"There seems to be a lot of people interested in protecting me," I mumble.

"You speak of the vampires?" She looks like the V word leaves a bad taste in her mouth. "They are clueless abominations who should stay away, but won't because they meddle. They're meddlers especially that leader of theirs. A…something. Or is it B something? Either way, they are stupid humans who feel special because they are immortally ill."

"You said we created the virus?" I'm pretty sure Carlisle would be interested in knowing that.

"I said no such thing," she scoffs. "The Others created the virus. They unleashed it on us thinking it would finally end our war, but of course their incompetence was proven once again when it was discovered that the virus weakens us but after infection we become immune to it. Humans are the ones that really suffer. Those poor weak little things."

"But it makes them immortal and powerful." Alice is stronger than me. Most of her family is probably stronger than me.

Coll narrows her eyes. "And at what cost? They crave blood, are cursed to the world of darkness but live in a world of light. They lack life and for eternity must leech bits of it from others."

I really don't feel like talking about this anymore. I feel like being alone. This is a lot to absorb and I'm not really absorbing any of it.

"You're pouting," Coll needlessly points out. "I'm not a fan of your propensity to self-indulge in your bouts of woe is me."

I narrow my eyes, but don't verbally respond to her. I don't want to talk anymore. I don't want to think anymore. There are still millions of questions that I have, but it all seems kind of pointless to even ask them. Whether Coll's story is true or not, and I'm thinking that parts of it probably are, there's really only one thing that makes sense.

There is a past I don't remember, a person I was that it is hidden inside of me locked up behind fuzzy images of half-truths. It's nice of Coll to tell me a Fairy Tale, but her words aren't enough to convince me of anything.

"Truth is always lingering on the precipices of lies, my dear Bella." Coll's demeanor is serious once again. Her fluctuating personality adds to the bits of her crazy. I'm starting to think her personality is an act. She's putting on a show for me.

I take a deep breath, hoping to cleanse myself of all the nerves and confusion that has been plaguing me. It doesn't help much, but I'm finally focusing on my instinct again. I reach it out trying to connect with Coll. What is it she makes me feel?

She's not vampire. She's not a wolf. She's strong, very strong and I've been sitting here stupidly because my instinct accepts her dominance. It wants to bow down to her power, not run from it. It respects her, but there is no trust in it. It's telling me things I don't understand.

"You said we were related?" It's my last questions before I turn around and hope that she'll leave me alone.

"Sometimes things said in passing should be left in the past," she replies. It's a copout answer, but I'm going to let her get away with it. I don't want to know, at least not yet. It's going to be almost impossible for me to understand how I could possibly be related to such a beautifully mysterious woman named Coll who doesn't look a thing like me.

I curl back up on my bed and close my eyes. No more questions. No more world. At least not right now. There's no prize for me when I reach this finish line. There's no happy ending lingering at the end of this fairy tale.

Coll is still sitting next to me. My leg is brushed up against her thigh. I'm almost repulsed by the comfort her touch is offering me. I feel her move and then feel her fingers brushing through my hair. Her touch feels loving and tender, but I'll assume this is a lie as well. It's better this way. It has to be.


	10. Coward

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of the reviews and for sticking with this story. I know that it is quite different. **

**COWARD**

I had never really thought about dying. I've been too focused on the life problems I've been immersed in to concentrate on something so trivial as death. Life has been overwhelming me, but I guess it's death that should have been my focus all along. Coll says that I'm fading away out of existence simply because I'm in a place I don't really belong. I'm finding out that she says a lot of things. She's the type that talks a lot when I want her to shut up but shuts up when I want answers.

When I woke up again, Coll began explaining more things to me. She started filling in the missing blanks of my life just as vaguely as she had done before. Between her streams of useless words she did manage to tell me that we come from a clan called Phasers. The moniker lacks originality but exceeds itself in functionality. We are Phasers because we phase from one world to the next. Coll spared me the scientific details behind our abilities and explained it all by demonstration.

She's strong. At least, she says that she's strong. I think I should believe it. She can phase in this world without going back to what she simply calls, the 'Dark World', which basically means she can go anywhere in the entire world within moments and leave just as quickly. Earlier this morning, she took me to Libya and then hopped us over to Vietnam. I might of thought it was cool if it hadn't been so terrifying.

She says that not everyone can do it, that only the best of us can. She tells me that I'm beginning to learn to phase again. My body is starting to remember things it has forgotten. She says that's the reason I can run so fast. I'm not really running, not like Alice runs. I'm phasing in short bursts from one place to the next.

Coll has explained away a lot of mystery in my life, but I know she's holding back on explaining things that have more complicated answers. She hasn't talked about my inner instinct at all. She hasn't even bothered to bring up vampires again either.

I've tried bringing up Alice, my curiosity brave enough to seek answers about her, but Coll refuses to participate in my underhanded way of figuring out this thing that goes on between Alice and me. She changes the subject and reiterates about how I must learn how to phase completely before I'm too weak to phase back at all.

She's drawn up a practice schedule for me, but has inexplicably left room in the schedule for school and extracurricular activities. If I really am dying, then I guess Coll doesn't think it's a serious enough issue for me to focus on the abnormality of it all.

I still don't trust her, but she has seamlessly integrated herself into my life. She began integrating into it long before she had ever revealed herself to me. Though I had been missing for days, Charlie had not gathered up a search party because Coll had convinced him that she is my psychiatrist. The night I had run away hand in hand with Alice, Coll had explained to Charlie that she was doing a group therapy session that involved a camping trip in the woods and that it was vital I attend.

Not surprisingly, Charlie believed her because he wanted to believe I could finally be someone else's problem, I guess. He asked me about the camping trip and I told him what details I could manufacture based on what I've read in books and seen on TV. I've never actually been camping.

So now, everything is supposed to go back to normal. It's supposed to be like I had never gone away with Alice to see Carlisle and that Coll had never protected me from these Others she keeps going on about without actually telling me anything about them.

Today, I'm expected to go back to school. I'm expected to go on with my life now fully aware that I'm dying…not indestructible, not immortal but fading away slowly into oblivion all because I stumbled into this world and lost my way.

"We've spoken about your pouting," Coll tells me as she phases in next to me while I drive my old truck down the road towards school.

Her unexpected presence nearly has me running my truck off the road. "Damn fucking hell!" I yell as I try to stop the wreck about to happen.

"It's beginning to get disappointing," Coll calmly comments as I save us from potential ruin. "You have grown weaker than I originally assumed."

She's not good for my ego. "You're insane."

"Probably so," she errantly replies as if her agreeing meant little more than admitting a small flaw of character instead of a glaring beacon of problems. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that you are likely to run into those vampires again. I must ask you to not interact with them."

She seems serious, but it's hard to tell what side of crazy her moods lie on. I don't want to give into her erroneous demands, but my instinct has me nodding, agreeing to whatever it is she asks.

"I appreciate your cooperation in this matter. It would be a terrible shame if I had to start killing them off so that their meddling ways don't interfere." Her statement is a threat as much as it is a warning. I could ask her to leave the Cullens alone, but I'm not sure it would make much of a difference.

She phases away and as I pull up to the school parking lot, I am alone but I'm sure Coll is still somewhere watching me. She tells me that she's always been watching. There's nothing I've done that she hasn't seen. Besides the stalkery aspect of it, I find it sort of comforting that she's been around. Well, I don't find it comforting but my instinct does. It knows her. I still don't know how, but I suppose it really doesn't matter.

I step out of my truck, and then take a look around. I'm just another face in a sea of faces. There's nothing stamped on my forehead screaming out that I'm special in any way. I don't stand out like the Cullens. Anything people whisper about me is based on the oddity of my personality not on my exotically interesting appearance.

I can't help but wonder what people are whispering about me now. I kind of wonder if they are whispering anything at all. I know that they must be saying something. I'm too new to be ignored.

I make my way into the school building and then go straight to my first class. I keep my head down and hope to push through the day without running into anyone or anything. I don't want to see Alice nor do I want to see any of her family. There are things that have been left unsaid between us, and I'm sure that she is concerned about me but we can pretend like I never entered into her life and that she never entered into mine.

Her family is free from taking responsibility for me now. I don't need their help. Coll is here and she's going to take care of everything. There's no problem with me putting my fate into the hands of a killer, right? It's what all the cool kids are doing these days.

When lunch comes around, I decide to avoid the cafeteria just in case I run into a vampire that might be killed on my behalf. I go to the library instead and hang out in the back where no one can see me between the shelves of books.

"I'm not going to let you avoid me." Of course Alice would come looking for me. It's probably the only reason she showed up to school today. It's not like she needs to actually attend school. She's probably hundreds of years old or something. What use does school do her? For that matter, what use does it do me? Apparently, I'm not even from this world. It doesn't make any sense.

"You should." I don't bother to look over at the vampire standing in front of me. Instead, I look at the books around me and then randomly pull one out.

She steps closer to me. She really isn't going to let me avoid her. She's going to force this and then Coll is going to show up and Hell is going to be unleashed in this high school library.

"How are you feeling?" Alice keeps her voice at a whisper. It would be terrible if someone were to overhear us talking about all the crazy shit that bumps around not only at night but during the day as well.

"Please go." I'd tack onto the end of my sentence that she's in terrible danger, but that's a little too cliché even for me. She should just listen to me and go away.

"Did that woman show up again?" Alice persists.

Coll was right. Vampires are meddlers. "Her name is Coll and yes she did. Now please just go. We don't have to do this anymore, okay. Just go back to your life and let me go back to mine."

Alice bends down, obviously not caring about anything I just said. I would have spoken louder, but I'm sure that wouldn't have made a difference. "Why won't you let me help you?"

I take a look around expecting Coll to pop in at any second and rip Alice's head off. "Why are you so certain I need help? Why is everyone around me so adamant in believing that I'm broken?" I'm getting kind of tired of it. Everyone is telling me they are going to save me when they don't even know the first thing about me. They don't know what they are offering to save me from. They are all just so certain that I'm in need of a hero.

Alice places her hand on my thigh, I flinch away. I don't need her touching me. She doesn't try it again but she does clear her throat and starts answering my rhetorical questions. "It's your eyes," she tells me. "Anyone who takes a long enough look can see your pain."

"Then look away." I'm not going to bother to deny this phantom pain she speaks of. There's no point in that. Alice has already made up her mind about why she wishes to hound me.

"I can't just walk away from you, Bella." She's starting to sound frustrated, but it's understandable since I'm being so difficult.

"Yes you can." We're not bound to each other. Our lives are not fatefully intertwined. We don't even come from the same world.

"Carlisle tested your blood." Alice shifts again. This is her desperate attempt to keep me around. "He wants to talk to you."

"Meddlers." And finally Coll appears. She's flipping through a book on vampire lore. Her eyes are focused on it, but I feel the brunt of her attention being focused on Alice and me.

Alice and I both jump up. I step in front of Alice, hoping that I can give Alice a chance at escape. "I wasn't talking to her," I defend.

"Of course not." She slaps her book shut. "You were having a lover's quarrel."

I feel Alice's hand on my back. She's easing me away from in front of her. I'm sure she can sense the danger and we both know that she's stronger than me. The important thing she doesn't quite understand is that Coll doesn't want me dead.

"It's not polite to eavesdrop," Alice meets Coll's eyes. She's not going to back away.

"I do not give courtesies to abominations," Coll replies.

"And Bella?" I feel Alice's stance shift. She's preparing for a fight. "You don't care about giving her 'courtesies' either?"

Coll chuckles. "Touché."

I reach out my instinct trying to get a feel for what Coll is going to do. As usual I can't really get a read on her, but Alice is making my instinct bing. I can feel her coiled and ready for a fight. I can also feel her uncertainty and I have a need to comfort her. I've felt her presence humming in the back of my mind all day. It served as a helpful reminder of why I should stay away.

Coll shifts again. She's no longer laughing. She looks like a killer. "Lesson number one, my dearest Bella, we are primal." She doesn't move but phases over to Alice and me. Her hand reaches out and though I would have been certain she was going after Alice, she instead wraps her arm around me pulling me closer to her and further away from Alice. Alice's eyes widen and both her hands grab onto Coll's arm.

I want to move forward and break away, but my body is locked in place. It has decided to not move and left me out of the decision making process.

"We…" Coll's arm tightens around me. Alice's attempts to free me are proving to be useless. "We," Coll repeats, "are raw. When you live in a world of darkness there is nothing to guide you except what is inside of you. We must detect threats and feel our prey."

"Are you going to kill her?" I still can't move. I can't even summon up a good dose of panic.

Coll shifts us, and Alice finally ceases her struggle. Nothing she does is enough. She is helpless. "I could," Coll answers me. "But then what would you learn? What would either of you learn?"

"I can't learn anything from you," Alice finally tries talking instead of physical action.

"Then you are as stupid as you are dead," Coll answers. "Your kind are all so pathetic because you don't even understand what you are." Coll pushes me away from her. I stumble into Alice who barely is able to save me from falling. "Neither of you do."

I open my mouth to yell at her about just how crazy I think she is, but she phases away. Alice looks at me for answers, but neither of us says a word. My instinct is going crazy now. It wants to fight from being threatened, but it also kind of wants to run. It wants to curl up further into Alice's arms knowing that she can sort of protect me, but it doesn't want her touching me at all. It's all so confusing and jumbled and I don't know how to interpret it or control it.

"You both feel it now, don't you?" Coll phases in behind us. Neither Alice nor I jump away. "Those jumbled up bits of things inside of you. They aren't emotion, but survival. When you come from the Dark World everything is instinct. Everything comes from within, because there is nothing to sense in the darkness."

"Why?" Alice asks, and I'm not quite sure what she's asking 'why' to.

"Do you know what Carlisle found from examining your blood?" Coll asks me, completely ignoring Alice. "He found that parts of you mirror parts of him, but there is a divide between us." Her attention goes to Alice. Alice doesn't move. "They crave us because they sense a cure inside of us, a respite from all their pain. But, Alice my weak, pathetic little minion, how do you suppose infusing yourself with life affects you?"

"What do you mean?" Alice asks, doing her best to stand up to someone obviously physically superior.

"You drank her blood," Coll nods towards me. "You tasted it. What happened to you?"

"She was brought back to life," I whisper trying to save Alice from a bit of the torture Coll is putting her through.

"Please, my dearest Bella do not speak out of turn." Coll chastises me. "We are learning a lesson and it's Alice's turn to show and tell."

"I'm not doing this with you," Alice says and then pulls us away from Coll. She has us heading towards the nearest exit, but Coll phases in front of us and there's no way we are going anywhere.

"Let's make one thing clear, you diseased carcass, you and I are not on equal playing grounds. You live because my Bella would not like me killing you."

"But you said you don't mind killing them." I remember our conversation in my truck this morning very clearly.

Coll's eyes widen and she looks as if I've offended her. "I said no such thing. I clearly recall stating that I didn't want to have to start killing them." She steps away from Alice and me. "You must work on your listening skills."

"Is she for real?" Alice finally asks me. "Please tell me we're both sharing a joint nightmare."

"Neither of you understand," Coll says sounding so worn down and defeated her mood once again phasing almost as quickly as she can. "I shall be as blunt as possible then. Our blood cures the Vampire virus, but it cannot cure death. If you ever drink too much from Bella, Alice, then you will be fully human again and you will die." She takes another step away from us. "Our instinct is raw and powerful and it will lead you into stupidity. You two have been slaves to it thus far and it has nearly killed the both of you. So, stop arguing about the things you don't understand and try for once to figure out why you two illicit the reactions out of each other that you do."

"You already know why," I accuse. "You could just tell us."

"I could," Coll sighs. "But then what will you have learned?" She phases away again and this time I don't think she's coming back. I've disappointed her somehow. I can feel that I have.

"There is something seriously wrong with that woman," Alice says after a moment.

"Well," I chuckle, "she's not from around here."

"I caught onto that." Alice turns to me. "What's the Dark World?" Of all the questions that she could ask, this is her first?

"The way Coll tells it, it's a world parallel to this one." I step away from Alice now that our rollercoaster is finally coming to a stop and it's time for me to get off the ride. I wasn't just avoiding Alice because Coll asked me to. I'm also avoiding her because I don't want to be around her anymore. I don't want to figure out the things Coll apparently thinks I need to. "I should get back to class. I think lunch is over."

I start to walk away, but Alice pulls me back. "Are we really going to do this?"

"Do what?" I try sounding clueless, but I don't pull it off well. I've never played dumb well.

Alice lets go of me. "You're fantastic at running away, you know that Bella? You're fantastically selfish, too."

Selfish? "I'm trying to leave you out of this," I argue.

"How do you think that's even possible now?" Alice turns away from me. "Everything inside of me, everything around me is different now."

"I'm…" I'm what? Sorry? I'm not sure what I've done. I'm not even sure what's happened. I don't want to know.

Alice is right. I really am good at running. It's a specialty.

"I'm…" I try again. "I'm going to class." This time when I leave, Alice doesn't try to stop me. I wish I could stop myself, but I can't. I won't. I'm a fucking coward.


	11. Give Up and Give In

**GIVE UP AND GIVE IN**

"You show remarkable talent for someone so weak and impressionable." I find that Coll is the master in the art of backhanded compliments. She soothes my fragile ego while tearing it to pieces all in one sentence. I'm beginning to think it's a skill she learned just for my benefit.

So, I'm a coward or whatever, but running from Alice is cupcakes and muffins compared to trying to run from Coll. She knows where I am at all times and I can't out-phase her. With her there is no running away there is only giving in. And, part of giving in means that I am forced to go through humiliating moments of inadequacy or as Coll likes to call it, 'training'.

"Use your instinct, girl," Coll orders as she stands casually across from me her eyes as disapproving as always.

I square up and take in a deep breath. It's stupid that Coll speaks so much about my instinct being my strength while also degrading its very existence. But, that's Coll, isn't it? She's two sides of the same crazy coin.

"Act and react," I whisper to myself already knowing that, although most anything I do to try and defeat Coll is futile, I do feel better from Coll's humiliating instruction. She makes the wild bits that rest inside of me a little more tame and manageable. A part of her makes a piece of me okay. That's awkward stupid and weird I know, but truth is truth.

She's frustrating as Hell and most times I want to strangle her, but she makes things easy in a way. She also helps me keep my distance from the vampires that live not far enough away. Alice has tried to impinge on my territory, but Coll is able to keep all curious vampires at bay. I think a part of them fears her just like a part of me fears her.

I take another deep breath, but before I can release it Coll seems to have lost her patience because she phases behind me and has me within her grip. I'm unable to break away so once again she has me giving in.

"You should have been able to sense me phasing before I did," she chides me once again washing me over with her disappointment.

"I don't know how to do that," I yell at her letting my frustration get the best of me. I'm worn out and I'm not used to the feeling. It's been a while since I've felt this physically exhausted. "You keep trying to get me to do shit I don't know how to do."

Coll narrows her eyes and then looks over her shoulder. "Learn," she demands and then phases away again.

I am definitely not a student hot for teacher. I just want to punch her in the face, and I would if she weren't such a better fighter than me. So, I do the next best thing by balling my hand into a fist and punch at the air pretending its Coll's face, but I swing with too much force and air doesn't offer much resistance so I end up falling down to the ground.

Coll is right. I'm fucking pathetic. I'm not a warrior. I have no memory of this Dark World she speaks of and all I know is that I should fear the Others. I don't have a lot of facts to live by right now.

"Your body guard finally abandoned you," a voice mutters from within the darkness and I know I should have certainly felt Alice's presence long before I ever heard her voice.

My superpowers are broken. "I think we abandoned each other," I try to casually admit as I get up off the ground. "How long have you been lingering waiting for your opportunity to pounce?" I ask knowing that there's no way she just happened to magically appear at random.

Alice steps from the darkness and she looks…just about as tired as I feel. For someone who is technically dead, she looks pretty awful, and seeing her all unkempt and unbeautiful makes me feel just a tiny bit guilty. Maybe, it's possible that I'm partially to blame for her current state.

"I was out hunting," she eventually answers me.

In all the wooded forest areas in all the world she just happened to stumble into mine? I don't buy that, but I'll pretend like I do. I'm not eager to make things any more complicated than they already are.

"You look like you could use a good meal," I say for lack of anything better or anything else to say. After the words really register in my brain I realize that I've probably just insulted her. "Not that you look bad," I try to correct. "You look good."

Alice holds up her hand and stalls my words with her own, "I know I don't look good."

"Okay," I turn away from her. "As long as we're both on the same page."

"Isabella Swan," I can hear the exasperation in Alice's voice as she whispers my name, "what is it with you?"

Well, I have no answer to such a complicated question so that's probably my signal to leave. "You have a good night, then." I wave half heartedly as I let my feet guide me to anywhere else.

"You're obviously still a coward," she yells out to me before I get too far away. Her words hold a challenge and the wild thing inside of me stands up at attention. It recognizes a weakened foe and is set to pounce.

I try to remember the training Coll has given me so that I can control the beast that lives inside of me. It's much easier to do when she's around. While left to my own devices I'm not as controlled. I do stupid things like engage in meandering conversations with vampires named Alice.

Well, fuck it then. I guess if I'm going to lose control then I might as well go all the way. It'll feel like the good ole times when Alice and I first met. As if by mutual consent, we run towards each other fists up and stances squared. We trade a few jabs before Alice has me pinned to the ground.

Still, even after all this training I can't defeat her. I can't push her away, and that is the scariest thing of all. No part of me really wants to push her away. It just wants to do this dance with her like it means something.

"Have you eaten since the last…" My words trail off because I don't need to finish my question to get my answer. I've somehow broken her just like she's broken me.

I swallow and then do my absolute best to relax my body. "Don't take too much," I whisper. "Coll said I'd kill you."

Coll says a lot of things, some important and some seemingly benign. But she maintains that Alice will die if she ingests too much of my blood. It's a warning I'm willing to heed since a large part of me doesn't want Alice to die.

As fucked up and crazy at it is, she's my person in this world. She's the one that knows how messed up I am on the insides and how confusing everything has been. Somehow, she managed to jump onto my crazy train and there's not getting off now.

"I'll infect you again." Alice begins to pull away, but I don't let her. She needs to feed or she'll die.

"I survived the last time." And I seem to recall Coll saying that I couldn't be infected twice.

I see the struggle in Alice's eyes before she finally gives up and then begins feeding off of me. This is probably the most lucid I've ever been while she's been this close to me. Normally, by the time we get to this part of the fun I'm lost in the haze of crazy that comes down on me without warning.

This, well, it doesn't feel awful. It doesn't hurt as much as I imagine it should. It's almost as if I can quite literally feel myself moving into her. I can feel the things she's feeling, the hunger and the pain. I even feel the hints of arousal and can't help but growl from the feeling.

It has to be time for me to force Alice away, but I can't. I want this feeling to last forever. I dig my fingers into the dirt and try to find the strength to pull away, but per usual I'm a massive failure. When Alice is flung off of me by Coll, I feel as if something vital is missing.

"You both failed that test," Coll snidely remarks as she stands over the both of us. "It's bad enough you associated with the dead flesh, must you also submit so readily to one?" She steps away from me and then moves to Alice who hasn't managed to move since Coll pushed her away.

I place my hand over the bleeding wound on my neck and gingerly try to sit up. The wave of powerful pleasure I had been bathing in moments ago is now completely gone. In its absence, I feel lightheaded, weak and unfulfilled.

"Is she okay?" I ask my mentor.

"I should have let you kill her," Coll answers. "Maybe that is the only way you'll learn that you aren't human."

I chuckle at her obvious lack of insight. "I know I'm not human," I snap back. "I figured that out a long time ago."

"Go home, Bella," it's apparently Coll's turn to sound offended by my mere existence.

"Is she okay?" I feel no compulsion to listen to Coll now. I hardly feel compelled to listen to her on a semi-normal day in my life.

"Fine," Coll bends down and examines Alice more closely, "see the consequences of your actions."

I stumble over to them and look down at Alice who is flush with life. I can see the pulse point in her neck beating out an even tempo. She looks, peaceful but no better than she did just moments ago when she was stumbling around seeking me out as prey.

Apparently it's possible to look more dead while being alive than looking dead while actually physically dead. I've learned so many neat things lately. "What can I do to help?"

Coll levels me with a look of disbelief. "You could learn to control yourself."

I roll my eyes. "What can I do now," I clarify.

"For the record," Coll reaches out and lifts Alice's arm, "I don't care if this abomination lives or dies." Her finger finds the pulse in Alice's wrist and then she places her lips against Alice's skin. Her teeth pierce Alice's flesh and as I look on in horror, I also feel a wave of rage taking me over.

Whatever it is Coll is doing, the wildness inside of me doesn't like it. I move to engage her in some messed up battle, but her eyes capture mine and then my feet are glued to the ground. The thing inside of me buckles and curls up in fear. I'm helpless and all I can do is watch as Coll cleanses Alice from the taint I have given her.

Eventually, Colls teeth relinquish their hold on Alice and she turns away spitting out the last bits of blood she's consumed. Her eyes once again meet mine and the beautiful grey irises she's been sporting change to darkness.

I swallow helpless in the face of whatever it is I'm about to be subjected to. My legs buckle and I'm on my knees looking up at the woman who's really nothing but a mystery.

"The Dark World calls me home," she says. "Stay with the vampires until I return. They can protect you from the Others in my absence."

There's no chance to ask her what she means before she phases away. I look back to Alice and quickly see that she looks much better than she did before. I lift her head up off the ground and settle her on my lap. I'd carry her home if I felt strong enough, but for now the best I can do is rest against a tree with her peacefully not dying in my arms.

I close my eyes and try to feel the same calling to the Dark World that Coll says she felt. Hell, I just try to feel a calling to anywhere, but all I end up feeling is Alice's weight on my lap. I force myself to look down at her and then run my fingers through her hair.

"So it looks like being a coward isn't getting me anywhere," I admit to her silent form. "So, I'll try something different." Different is always bad. So far for me it has been, but it's about time for my luck to turn. Cause, something's got to give, right? Might as well be me giving up and giving in.


End file.
